What's it all about, Bloggie?

I'm cursed

2009-03-30T17:44:00.000+01:00

* Today I'm not listening to anything, I'm too darned upset! *

Would you bloody believe it? I go and post how Fifi Trixibelle and I got back together, then next thing I know, she's broken up with me again. I tell you, I'm cursed.

It seems to be the same reasons as last time, and I feel pretty shitty about it all. I fought and fought last time, but I just don't have it in me now. It felt so wrong last time, but this time she's really taken it out of me. I feel devastated.

Just wish I could stop the crying. That would be a big help.

Late breaking news

2009-03-28T02:03:00.006Z

* Tonight I am mostly listening to: September – Cant Get Over *

So, I know it's a little late for blogging, and I also acknowledge that it's been a while since I left a little message, but I just had the urge to post something.

Well, the big news is that I actually got back together with Fifi Trixibelle. As you'll see from my previous post, I was pretty gutted, and the whole breakup just felt wrong. And because of this, I did what I never thought I'd do. I fought for her.

Initially it didn't work. I left it for a few days and I fought again. I threw everything at her, I even told her I'd fallen in love. Which is no lie. I just hadn't openly admitted it as I was so damn petrified of falling for some one again (that will be down to He Who Must Not Be Named then). So another night followed, I got drunk, drowned my sorrows, felt ever-so slightly hungover and ended up feeling rather sorry for myself, then got a text saying she'd been a twat, she did want me in her life and would I consider taking her back.

Well, that was a turn around. Call it intuition or whatever you want, but I just had that feeling it wasn't over. And guess what? It wasn't. I wanted to take her back straight away, but the sensible part of me (yes, there is a sensible part) wanted to make sure that she meant it and it wasn't just a guilty reaction to all my fighting (please note, not begging, I'd never beg for anything). So after a lot of phone calls, I determined that her intentions were genuine, and she was genuinely sure she wanted to get back together.

So here we are. Happy together again! Well, mostly. We have a few niggles (mostly pre-menstrual). She feels that's she's not giving me enough, but actually, I'm reasonably happy with the way things are. We see each other a couple of times a week, but that's about the same as He Who Must Not Be Named, and a lot more than The Mrs (ex). Yeah, it would be nice to see each other a bit more often, but luckily I'm one of those people who's happy with their own company, so it's not really that much of a problem to me.

So, yes, the story continues...

Little Miss Giggles was happy once again

Life's a bitch and so is my ex-girlfriend

2009-02-05T11:26:00.003Z

* Today I am mostly listening to: Beyonce – Single Ladies *

So, after a lot soul-searching, indecision, and questioning of my inner self (see previous post), I took the plunge and officially got together with Fifi Trixibelle. But as with most things in life, I guess it just wasn't meant to be. We broke up on Tuesday.

To start off with, I was the one with the issues, I just wasn't sure if I could commit to a relationship, I wasn't sure if I was at that stage. Well, I decided I was ready, and took the plunge, and it was great, I really felt we got on and had fun together. But, guess what? I was wrong. Over text, she asked if we could have a serious talk. Well, that immediately set off alarm bells. She wanted to do it in person the following night, but with me being the impatient type, couldn't wait a whole day, so had to have the conversation there and then.

It seems that she hadn't been feeling right for a couple of weeks, and that actually, she wasn't ready to be in a relationship after all (hold on, weren't those initially my feelings?). She thought she was ready, but it became clear to her that she wasn't. Things just weren't feeling right, and she was getting increasingly freaked out (her harsh words). Well, thank you very much. That was a slap in the face if there ever was one.

Yes, I'm moaning, I'm angry, and I'm hurt. I'd really started to like her. It was so nice to have some one that shared the same interests, the same humour, and so many other things. But I have to ask myself, was it just nice to feel wanted again? We had a lot of similarities, but we also had a lot of differences. Would it have even worked? Am I just angry and hurt because she dumped me? I don't know, lots of questions, and I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind right now to decide.

You could be my lucky star

2008-11-15T17:15:00.003Z

* Today I am mostly listening to: Solange – I Decided (She's lovely, she is) *

I'm a lucky girl. A very lucky girl indeed. Not only do I have one new woman in my life, but I have also managed to bag myself another one. Yep, you heard correctly. I have two new women in my life. And I'm just loving it!

Let me introduce you to them. Firstly there is Fifi Trixibelle (keeping in-line with our no-name policy). She's the one I went on the date with the other week. The one you may remember I dismissed due to being a lard-arse (oh, the guilt, the guilt). Well, seeing as we got on so well, we kept in touch, texted a lot, talked a lot, e-mailed a lot, and well, generally speaking, things just moved on from there. It wasn't intentional, but it is nice to feel wanted by some one again, especially after the debacle with The Mrs (ex). She's funny, clever, articulated, generous and lots of other things that I really like. We get on, she's gets my humour and I get hers. We laugh, we chat, we kiss, we do all the other stuff too. It's just nice.

However, all is not rosy in the lesbian love garden. She wants more and I just don't know if I can give it. It means committing to a relationship, and I just don't know if I can do it. But I'm hard pressed to give you a valid reason why. Is it the weight issue, is it the distance (she lives an hour away), or am I just not ready? Don't get me wrong, there are lots of reasons why a relationship would be good (see above), but I can't quite get to that stage. So, for the moment we remain friends with benefits (I refuse to use the term fcuk buddies, it's more than that).

So, now let me introduce you to my other woman, Diana. She's my new project. I've wanted to do something creative for a while, and after not really knowing what to do, I think she may just be the outlet I've been searching for. I found her by accident, but knew I liked her as soon as I saw her. I just had to have her! So I ordered her, she arrived, and I was just so nervous about taking her out of her protective packaging. But I did it, and I'm happy to say we spent the afternoon together.

It's strange really, I'd got so used to using my digital camera, and relying on the little screen to show me what I'd just taken. But now I've gone completely old skool, and I find myself using a medium format film camera; this time last week I didn't even know what one of those was.

I was slightly nervous at first, but then felt so liberated! You just point and click, and have absolutely no idea what you've just taken. It's just so liberating! Will it be crap, will it be good, will I have wasted the whole damn film? You just don't know until you get your prints back. So as much as I'd like to display the results here, I'm afraid I can't quite do that yet, so you'll just have to make do with some rather tasty shots of Diana herself.

Yes, she has arrived

Can we set her free?

Yes, we can!

Diana in all her plastic beauty

Ah, the stunning Diana...

So close, yet so far

2008-10-19T16:15:00.002+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: Sheryl Crow – Hard To Make A Stand *

So, the online dating has been going slightly better with the introduction of a new profile. Within days of said profile going live, I was contacted by not just one, but two new chicks. After a bit of online chatting with one (appropriate name still to be decided!), she asked for my phone number so we could text and get to know each better, but without sitting in front of a computer screen. So mobile numbers were exchanged, and no end of text messages were sent.

So, she asked me out on a date. Yah, you're no doubt thinking. And yes, that was how I felt. At first. So we met, and she is as lovely as she comes across in her online messages and texts. And you're no doubt sensing a but coming here... So here goes. But I saw her and just knew I didn't fancy her. I've made mention of it before on here , so it should come as no surprise that I'm on the larger side of life. I'm afraid to say that she was even larger than me. Which I hate to say made me not fancy her. I'm sorry, but I've said it now. So there you go. I hate myself and I'm nothing but a big shit head for not being able to get beyond the size issue.

My Obsession says it's good that I've given it a go and I can't expect to fancy every one. She assures me it's not wrong to have a preferred type. I just can't help but feel bad about it though. I'm doing what people do to me; they don't like me because of my size, but I'm just as bad, I'm doing the same thing to some one else.

So I'm posting a picture of Pink (she's got a new CD coming out, don't you know) in a bid to cheer myself up.

Pink said So What?

Just my imagination

2008-10-13T14:04:00.003+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: Stereo Sushi 14 – First Course *

So, I've just celebrated my 30-something birthday, and I've finally updated my dating profile. The old one was boring, and didn't quite say what I wanted it to say. It obviously wasn't working, so I'm hoping my new improved version will have a bit more success. I've also taken the plunge and updated my photo's to some more recent ones. I've also decided to hedge my bets, and I've signed up to another one. Again, not sure how successful it will be, but it's worth a try. It was recommended to me by Screaming N (you may remember her, probably not though). She reckons she's met a few people off there, and has even managed to have meaningless sex. Just between us, I'm hoping for a bit of that as well. Well, if I can remember how to do it...

Anyway, the bareness of my so called love life often makes me think of what I would like in my perfect woman. I've christened her my imaginary girlfriend (original, I know). I can't quite see her face, but she has dark hair, shortish, but not too dykey. She can be either feminine or completely on the scene. Which kind of suits what I want out of a woman. Some one you can introduce to your mother without her realising that you're both getting low down and dirty behind her back.

She's successful, has money (not on a lottery winner level), and has a close group of friends that I'm easily invited in to. If we want to go out for a meal, I know I won't be the one who always foots the bill. We like lying in bed on Sunday morning reading our books & drinking cups of tea (we definitely both drink tea as opposed to coffee). We're happy together even at those silent moments, when some one else might feel the need to fill it some meaningless drivel. We're simply just happy together.

She may or may not exist, but it's nice to think there could be some one out there who will like me as much as I like them.

How to make your own (imaginary) girlfriend

How do you on-line date?

2008-09-17T21:53:00.002+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: Freemasons – When You Touch Me *

No, seriously, just how do you do it? I may not have mentioned it for a little while, but I do actually dabble in the world that is on-line dating. It has to be said that I don't have much luck even though that's where I met The Mrs (ex). The site I use is apparently a complete meat market, but I have to say that I'm still to experience this side of it.

I've chatted with a few people on there. You may remember I mentioned the Gaelic Princess. We met for drinks; I thought it went OK-ish, but it didn't go any further than that. I stopped the e-mailing just to see if she would be the one to make first contact. Alas it wasn't meant to be.

Then there was The Specialist. We chatted a bit on-line, then she asked for my phone number as she found talking directly a lot easier. After a few doubts, I gave her my phone number. She phoned. I didn't answer (nerves). I texted her and said I was in Tesco (I wasn't). After a few more texts, she phoned back and I actually decided to talk to her (I know, how brave of me). I thought we got on reasonably well. After a couple of phone conversations that lasted over an hour on each occasion, I thought we were getting on quite well, and although we never set a definite date, we did actually agree to meet up (at her suggestion). Then the texts stopped (she didn't reply to mine), and there were no more phone calls. Now, why do people do that? Why bother asking to meet up, then cut all contact? So that was the end of The Specialist.

So that's it, that is the total of my on-line dating experience. What I need to know is, how do you succeed at this on-line dating game? How do you write that killer profile that gets all the lovely ladies hooked? At the moment, I'd settle for the meat-market, but even that doesn't seem forthcoming. I mean, I have needs; I've had extremely enjoyable lady-sex and I need to experience more. Damn it!

Where's my date then?

Give it 2 me. You know ya wanna

2008-09-15T21:37:00.002+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl (yeah, I know, it's a cliché) *

So, yeah, I went to see Madonna last week. You know, I just happened to be in Wembley and thought I'd pop in and say hi. But you know that Madonna, always late, never knows the time. She managed to sing a few songs, which I thought was rather kind of her considering her busy schedule and all that, but I could have sworn she dropped her microphone at one point, and magically managed to keep on singing. But that's Madonna for you. Clever in so many ways.

So she came on late, finished late and the tubes stopped running. Two and a half hours later, me and The Mrs (ex, obviously) finally managed to get a taxi back to central London. £40 later and we made it back to our hotel. And you know what, we still didn't have any sex, even after all that pumping and grinding from Madonna.

Hanging around, waiting for Madge

Good old Madge, even brought her guitar along

Red bush

2008-09-07T20:45:00.002+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire *

It's always a bit of a shock when you see a flaming red bush when you least expect it...

I was at the gym earlier today getting myself all hot and sweaty. I finished my work out, went into the empty changing rooms, and chose a bench near the showers with my back to the door. I was just getting undressed when some one else came in and positioned themselves on the other side of the bench to me. Now that annoyed me. Why in an empty room, do people choose to position themselves right in front of some one else? I just don't get it.

But anyway, I digress. I came out of the shower with the towel wrapped nice and tightly round my cuddly waist, went and sat in front of the mirror and put some moisturiser on. The other girl came out of the shower minus her towel (why do people do that?), and let me just say before you ask, I definitely wasn't looking. I may bat for the pink team, but I'm most certainly not that sort of person. But you just couldn't help but see the huge flaming red bush between her legs! I mean, I was happily sorting my face out, and there it was, bright red and hitting me in the face! And that was only the reflection in the mirror! I dread to think what it was like face on!

I think what surprised me, was that some one with a great figure like she had, would not have a neatly trimmed lady garden! She hadn't been hit around the head with the ugly stick, and she clearly worked out a lot, yet there was this huge red garden waving at me. Now, I may be (slightly) fat, but I know where it's at, and I'm pleased to say that I've never let my lady garden become unruly, overgrown and definitely not let it wave at people in the mirror. *Shudder* Time for a stiff drink I think.

The flaming red waving bush

Withdrawal symptoms

2008-08-25T12:26:00.002+01:00

Stop all the clocks. The Olympics are over. What am I going to do now? I feel lost, betrayed & all alone in the world. I miss the Olympic Breakfast, the medal table, Sue Barker & Colin Jackson.

And while I'm getting over my Olympic withdrawal symptoms, can I just say how good the commentary on 5 Live was?

And, yeah, I know, long time no blog.

I was wondering...

2008-05-07T22:24:00.002+01:00

...Why do non-disabled cars park in the disabled parking bays at the gym?

Slack time

2008-04-23T22:01:00.003+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: Sam Sparro – Black & Gold *

Well, where you do you start when you haven't managed to blog for the past 4 months? As my friend Julie Andrews once said, “lets start at the very beginning, a very good place to start”.

So here goes. I broke up with the Mrs, got back together with her, and broke up again. We're still broken up, although I have to say it's very tempting to go back once again. When I wear my rose tinted glasses everything seems OK, but then I get one of those stroppy texts from her, and I remember all the reasons why I had to end it once and for all.

We did have a good innings though. I reckon we managed to rack up just under two years. I loved her, she said she loved me, but it just didn't feel that way. I agonised over it for ages; spoke to lots of people, both those who knew her and those who didn't. Ultimately it came down to the fact that I finally realised that if it hadn't worked by this stage, then it probably never would. I'm a sentimental old bugger, and she will always be special to me (probably because she was my first, but don't tell any one I said that). For me, there will always be that bond, and if she ever needed me, I'd be there for her in a shot. I think she knows that, and used to play on it, but I think she's realised it won't work with me any more.

So, once again that leaves me young, free, single and on the market! I'm signed up to that trusty online dating site again (you know the one, the one where I found the Mrs), but don't appear to be having too much luck right now. I've been on one date (henceforth she will be known as the Gaelic Princess), and I actually quite liked her, but it doesn't seem to have gone any further. We still e-mail, but there doesn't seem to be any progress beyond that. So, damn it, I'm presuming that it wasn't meant to be! And obviously, that's her loss!

I've also been in touch with my Obsession again. Not because I want to get in her knickers or anything (although the way I feel at the moment, I wouldn't say no). We chatted and I found it useful to talk things over with her. She knows stuff, you know. I also kind of invited myself to see her for the weekend. We're going to do Soho, don't you know. I guess what with me being a bit of a late bloomer, I love to do stuff like that while many others have finished with the scene thing, and they actually find it quite pretentious & boring (take the Mrs for example).

And talking of the scene, Atomic R has shown me the delights of the Birmingham village. It's perhaps strange to use the words “delights” and “Birmingham” in the same sentence, but I'll openly admit I enjoyed all that Brum had to offer. Amongst others, I've experienced Brum's finest that is The Fox and The Gale (or The Nightingale as you non-regulars might know it), and a great time has been had at both. I even met a boyishly cute chica, but alas, never got the chance to speak to her properly (I was dragged off to do some shots, or dance to Toyah Wilcox, or some other fun filled activity). So here goes with the public broadcast section: Jess, if by some weird twist of fate you are actually reading this, yes I am gay (she asked Atomic R), and if you're still remotely interested, I think we should have a proper chat some time. E-mail me, we'll do lunch or something (isn't that what you say?). Oh, and before I forget, I'll be in Brum this Friday, probably not The Gale though.

Oh, and before I pop off to fill up my rather large glass of wine, isn't it great that Heroes is back on?!

All good things must come to an end

2007-11-04T11:52:00.000Z

* Today I am mostly listening to: Plain White T's – Hey There Delilah *

Well, I guess it was inevitable really. Me and The Mrs have split up. I was the one who finished it. I never had any intention of doing it. It just happened in the middle of another silly argument.

I guess it had been building up for a long time. The recent visits hadn't been that great (always me visiting her), the phone calls were shorter & shorter (always me phoning her), and when we did speak for any length of time, I was left feeling completely frustrated. The problem is that despite all this, I still find myself in love with her, and miss her terribly. Which seems a bit stupid, all things considered. My feelings go from one extreme to the other. One minute I'm crying my eyes out because I miss her some much. The next, I'm thankful I had the strength to end it, because it wasn't working like it used to.

It's difficult to explain where it went wrong, and I think my feelings of frustration at her have just built up over a long time. It was always me going to visit her, and she simply couldn't see anything wrong in that. In the year and a half we've been together, she's only visited me twice. The way she spoke to me had such a big impact on things, and I tried so many times to tell her this, but she didn't think there was anything wrong in that. It was the tone she used. She sounded like she didn't want to be with me, sounded like she didn't like me very much, sounded like she was telling me off, all at the same time. It's difficult to put into words. Even her friends said to me they didn't like how she treated me, but for whatever reason they never said anything to her. It was always me saying something, and she said I was having a go all the time. But all along she said she loved me. It just didn't feel like it to me.

Then there was sex thing. She said I was only interested in sex, and I was addicted to it. The favourite phrase of “love is more than just sex” was said so many times. And after constantly being told I was an addict, I did exactly what she asked of me. I stopped all contact that could possibly be construed as being sexual. I was scared of hugging her. I only ever touched & kissed her when permitted. And I'll admit I found this hard. Not because I wanted sex and couldn't have it, but because my favourite thing in the world was to lie in bed and rest my head on her chest with my arm across her stomach. It felt safe. It felt comfortable. And when she put her hand through my hair it felt so intimate, and I thought we really were meant to be together. But I couldn't even do that without the fear she thought I was after sex.

So, yes, it has been difficult, and it's going to continue to be difficult for a while yet. I don't know what to do next; the fighter in me wants to work things out, but the realist says I should just move on and mark it down to experience. If only she would see that there really are problems to be resolved. If she wasn't so stubborn, then things might be different, and we might have a chance.

Soundtrack to your life

2007-10-07T18:40:00.000+01:00

So, here's how it works:

1. Turn on your ipod/mp3

2. Put it on shuffle

3. Press play

4. For every question, type the song that's playing

5. When you go to a new question, press the next button

6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...just type it in!

So here goes, here's my soundtrack:

Opening Credits: You're Not Alone - Olive

Waking Up: Can't get Enough - Hed Kandi/Disco Kandi

First Day At School: Big Night Out - Fun Lovin' Criminals

Falling In Love: Ordinary Morning - Sheryl crow

Fight Song: Rescue Me - Hed Kandi

Breaking Up: Put Him Out - Ms Dynamite (oh, how appropriate)

Formal: The Long Way Home - Norah Jones

Life: Come As You Are - Beveryly Knight

Mental Breakdown: Tamacun - Rodrigo Y Gabriela

Driving: Listen Up! - Gossip

Flashback: Heartburn - Alicia Keys

Getting Back Together: Back Once Again - Cream Summer 2007

Wedding: It Only Takes A Minute - Take That

Birth of first child: Run Daddy Run - Fun Lovin' Criminals (out of all the songs on my Creative...

Final Battle: Turn Me On - Norah Jones

Death Scene: Church House Steps - Ben Harper & The Blind Boys Of Alabama (spooky or what?)

Funeral Song: The Bump - Hed Kandi/Twisted Disco

Credits: Heart Of Glass - Blondie

Me and my obsession. My obsession and me

2007-07-18T21:09:00.000+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: Robin Thicke – Lost Without U *

It's been a funny old week. And I know it's only Wednesday. In fact, it started off last week, so I suppose you really could call it a funny old fortnight.

Last Saturday I was invited to the V & A in London by a lovely lady from work. She was going to the Surrealism exhibition with her daughter, and as I had mentioned it in the past, she asked if I'd like to go with them. The Mrs didn't seem overly keen on making the trip to see it (even though she is a fan of some of Dali's work), so I thought, why not? I duly told the Mrs, who because I had never mentioned the said lady from work before, immediately thought I was going off to London on some secret rendez vous behind her back. Now, I know she can get a bit paranoid & a bit insecure at times, but even I thought that was going a bit far. Anyway, I went to the exhibition, and had a really nice time, and decided to just put up with the Mrs, her paranoid ways & the 306 text messages she sent me.

Nice views at the V & A

I guess I don't really help myself sometimes, but today I was in the big smoke again for a course for work. Being the open & trustworthy person that I am, I told the Mrs about my day out. I also just happened to mention that I was going to meet My Obsession (you may remember her) for lunch as the course was near her place of work. Obviously I didn't call the said friend My Obsession, but the Mrs is well aware I used to quite fancy this girl (see, that's me being honest again) and was not exactly keen on us meeting up. The paranoia & multitude of texts started again. I was honest & just said it was two friends meeting for lunch.

In all honesty there was a certain amount of curiosity on my side though. Would I still fancy her? And if I did, would it be reciprocated? I was never really sure if My Obsession knew I fancied her or not. If she did, she certainly never let on. I know I wanted her to fancy me, but that was pure fantasy on my part.

So we met for lunch, and had a really nice time catching up again (just to update you all, she has no special lady at the moment & finds it hard to even commit to drinks in a weeks time, let alone to anything or anyone else). And if I'm truly honest, I did still fancy her a little bit. It was the wit & the dry sense of humour; it gets me every time. Oh, and also the high heels, but don't tell the Mrs I said that.

So what does all this mean for me & the Mrs now? Well, not an awful lot really. In one of her many texts before me & My Obsession had lunch, the Mrs said if me & the said Obsession wanted to get together, she wouldn't stand in my way & would let me go. I found this a bit hard as she sounded like she wouldn't even want to fight for me (hah, only in my wildest dreams would I have two women fighting over me!). Her way of seeing it was she wouldn't want to stand in my way if that was what I really wanted. She probably doesn't realise it yet, but by letting me go, it's meant I've come back to her.

My obsessional (well, not literally)

I'm Julie Andrews

2007-07-11T19:54:00.000+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: The Fratellis – Ole Black 'n' Blue Eyes *

Well, not literally Julie Andrews, but it would be quite funny if I was. Especially as I've been writing about being gay & loads of other rubbish that I can't really remember. The pap's would have a field day. But anyway, back to what I was originally going to write about. I suppose this is my long-winded, round-about way of saying that I went & bought myself a Nintendo Wii. And amongst the delights that is the new gaming revolution, you can create what are known as Mii's, and my Mii looks remarkably like Julie Andrews in her early years. It certainly wasn't intentional, I just happened to notice the likeness; not that I'd say I look like Julie Andrews, but my Mii does.

Anyway, all I can say about my Wii is that it's dead dead good, and I really don't know why I waited to get one. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that even if you're not into gaming, you could well be after having a go on a Wii. Not that I'd call myself a gaming nerd or anything, but I'm a definite fan of the funny little white box & it's funny little wireless pointy remote thingy.

Wii sports is just great, and what makes it even better is that it comes free with the standard pack (and I'm not getting paid to write this!). For the first week I had it, it was the only game I played, and I didn't even open the SSX Blur game I bought with it (and I just love SSX Tricky on the Mrs' PS2), so it must have been good to keep me away from that. And more than anything, it's highly addictive and you just want to keep playing one more game of (delete as necessary) tennis/baseball/bowling/golf (I haven't got round to the boxing yet). So there you go, go and get a Wii. Now.

In other news, me and the Mrs made a trip to Wimbledon. I was lucky enough to have two tickets for Court 1 land in my lap & I certainly wasn't going to turn down the offer of a trip to SW19. The only problem was the rain, and bloody hell did we get a lot of that of that on middle Saturday. But despite all the umbrella's, we were lucky enough to see Maria Sharapova (she's got very broad shoulders you know) beat Ai Sugiyama in just over an hour (which incidentally means we get refunded half the price of our tickets). It was OK, nothing great, and there was only ever going to one winner of that match. It's just a shame we didn't get to see any more tennis.

As we'd treated ourselves to a rather plush boutique hotel, we decided to make the most of it, and have a big night out in the big smoke. After some advice on where to go, we made our way to the Minories for Rumours (“London's Premier Women's Club” don't ya know). And I have to say we actually had a really good night out. I've not really been to many gay places, so it was a rather nice experience for me (lots of women & the ability to snog the Mrs in public without any scornful looks). The Mrs used to do the scene where she lives, but hasn't done so for years, so I think it made a nice change for her as well. It certainly helped that there was BOGOF on Smirnoff Ice.

Anyway, here's a few pic's from rainy Wimbledon...

Sharapova v Sugiyama; guess who won

Rain Stopped play (OK, they'd already finished)

And it pissed it down...

She wasn't expecting that

2007-06-19T22:44:00.000+01:00

* Today I am mostly listening to: Mark Ronson feat. Amy Winehouse – Valerie *

So I'm at the gym, more than half way through my work out, and who do I see walk in but one of my ex's *. Not He Who Must Not Be Named, thank God, but the one before him. I clocked him as soon as he walked in, and spent the rest of my work out trying to avoid him. And for some reason, I was more worried about the fact that I looked bright red & fat. Which is daft really because I've got absolutely no interest in him whatsoever (and let's face it, no interest in the male population). But there you go. You always want to look good in front of our ex, you want to show the twat what he's missing.

So anyway, I'm trying to avoid him by concentrating on my leg press thingy and doggedly listening to my new Creative Zen Stone (which is always a good excuse; "Oh, didn't see you there, I was miles away listening to my music"), and I swear he's deliberately chosen to do the chest pull thingy (that doesn't sound right but I can't remember what it's really called) right next to me. Not in my direct eye line, but close enough for me to be aware of his presence. He didn't make any effort to speak to me, but I'm pretty sure he clocked me & was making a point of trying to get my attention. I was quite disappointed to see that he hadn't gone bald & was still remarkably in shape.

But anyway, seeing him there reminded me of the time we broke up. He was a twat & there's no denying it. All of my friends were so glad we broke up, and had no hesitation in announcing that they'd all disliked him & never trusted him in the first place (thanks for telling me). We broke up because he started seeing some one else whilst he was still with me; so in other words, he was cheating on me. It should have been no surprise really. When we first got together I'd just broken up with some one & he was obviously still seeing his girlfriend. I had my suspicions that he was still seeing her, but when someone tells you that they used to fancy you at school & used to come down to the tennis courts to watch you play tennis at lunch time, what are you supposed to do? He even told me what trainers I used to wear, so I had to believe him, didn't I?

So to continue the story, there was one time when a friend and I were home from university for the weekend, and we were quite happily having a quiet drink in my local. In walks the ex with the new girlfriend, and well, as you can imagine, I was not best pleased. It was my local before it was his and here he was rubbing my face in his infidelity. Well, egged on by my mate & a few alcoholic beverages, we decided on a bit of revenge, and took the opportunity to leave a message on his car. I knew where he parked, so before we went to the kebab shop, we made a detour & left a little bit of artwork on his motor. Not using pens or paint; we used the only other thing we had with us, our keys.

Next day we're sitting round the dining table eating one of my mum's Sunday roasts, and I get a phone call accusing me of keying his car. Well, I played the innocent party, and let him know that I had no idea what he was on about, and that there were enough people in town that he'd upset over the years, so it could quite easily be any of them. My mum was all indignant, and asking how dare he accuse me of such a thing. All along me & my mate are sitting there feeling quite smug with ourselves.

The disappointing thing was that he wrote the car off a couple of months later. And it was a shame really, because I wanted him to see his keyed car every time he got into it, and be annoyed that some one had actually spoilt his pride and joy. I don't feel guilty. I just wanted him to have learnt his lesson. He only had himself to blame.

We didn't leave that much damage, honest

* I was trying to think of a suitable pseudonym for him, but all the ones I came up with made him sound kind of nice, and he just wasn't.

Text abuse

2007-05-21T17:41:00.000+01:00

I get quite a lot of texts (and that's not meant to be a boast), the majority of which are probably from The Mrs. Some are memorable, some are just deleted straight away. I received what I reckon is one of the best texts ever at the weekend; "And what do you do in your house?! Watch films and wank!".

Oh, how I laughed. The sender was obviously having a go (I guess you had to be part of the text conversation to see that), but it had the opposite effect, it brought tears to my eyes. I just couldn't help but laugh, and let me tell you, they were big belly laughs. My sides still hurt now.

Is it wrong...

2007-05-18T17:08:00.000+01:00

... that I found Ruth Badger strangely attractive on Badger Or Bust?

And I swear I saw two chicks snogging on Neighbours the other week... I'm confused.

Oh so tired

2007-04-29T20:27:00.000+01:00

Busy, busy weekend, but oh so much fun. Feeling the effects now though. Can't talk properly, let alone write anything cohesive.

Wagamama's... Birmingham Gay village... Lots of bottles of Corona... Even more blue gin & tonic... Dodgy dancing (I was obviously drunk)... Lots of fit ladies (don't tell the Mrs)... Topped off nicely by cheese burger & chips at 4 am...

Tired. Need sleep. Bed calling. ZZZZZ...

Don't do it

2007-04-22T19:59:00.000+01:00

*Today I am mostly listening to: Mika – Love Today*

No, really. Don't. Just don't even bother watching Nacho Libre. It was shocking. Absolutely awful. I watched it on DVD last night & really wish I hadn't bothered. How will I ever regain the hour and a half I wasted on it?

You know, Jack Black can be quite funny on occasion & I actually thought this might be one of those occasions, but I was completely wrong. It was so not funny. I think I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go through the pain of ever having to watch a single second of that pile of poo again.

And you're probably wondering why I'm bothering to blog about it if it was that bad. Well, call this a public service announcement. I think every one should know that it was truly awful & you really shouldn't bother wasting any money or time on it. So there you go. Listen to me. I know stuff.

In other film news, I seem to have gone a bit “lesbian-film” mad. I decided I need to increase my lesbian awareness (I only just found out Martina Navratilova was gay... joke), so what better way than watching a few films lesbian-orientated films? To date, the list consists of:

- Aimee & Jaguar (Set during the Second World War. Apparently two young women form a “deep & intense relationship” - Oh, I wonder what that could possibly mean?)
- Gia (Apparently all lesbians have to watch this film. It's part of your sorority pledge so I'm told. And it's got Angelina in it which always helps)
- But I'm A Cheerleader (A comedy of sexual discovery. And it includes an actress called Mink Stole... Don't know who she is, but she sounds remotely like a porn star)
- So Close (Not sure if it's really classed as a lesbian film, but apparently it's got lots of women fighting & there's nothing I like more than a bit of well-choreographed martial arts)
- If These Walls Could Talk (See Gia, but no Angelina)
- If These Walls Could Talk 2 (See Gia, still no Angelina)

The only thing I've struggled with is lesbian porn. Apparently there's no really good, really convincing films made by lesbians for lesbians. So if you want to prove me wrong, send in your suggestions & I'm sure I'll find some time to watch them *wink, wink*. I'm always open to suggestions you know.

Freaky findings

2007-04-18T21:37:00.000+01:00

Whilst looking on eBay today, I happened to come across the profile of He Who Must Not Be Named. Not that I was checking up on him or anything, I was just curious to see if he was still alive (he is). He hasn't bought anything interesting lately, but I got the shock of my life when I saw what he was selling.

The first item was an antique ivory wedding dress (described as a large size 12/small size 14). Well, would you ever? What on earth is he doing selling a wedding dress? There was a picture of some blonde generic-looking bird (clearly on her wedding day) standing on some steps looking over her shoulder at the camera. Now, it could have been his elder brothers girlfriend (now wife?), or it could have been someone completely different (his new wife?). Any thoughts of a cross-dressing ex-boyfriend were completely unfounded. He was always much bigger than a small size 14.

The next item he was selling were what he described as biker boots, mens size 7. It's not how I'd describe them, but there you go. They were the sort of thing I could imagine some one wearing to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. You know the sort of thing, really thick soles, and shiny metal shin pad things with matching buckles. Not that I've got anything against them, they're just not my kind of thing. But more importantly, what was he doing with them in the first place?!

He was obviously very attached to both items; the wedding dress had a Buy Now price of £399, and the interesting-looking boots a Buy Now price of £99. The thing is, even though I never had any intention of checking his profile again, I'm going to have to just to see if he sells the bloody things.

His dodgy looking mens size 7 boots (not the actual item, for illustration purposes only)

The trouble with women

2007-04-17T18:55:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Pink – Just Like A Pill

Bloody women! I know I'm one, but can't they just drive you insane?! And one woman in particular is driving me right up the wall at the moment. Yes, you guessed correctly, it's the Mrs.

I'm not one for arguing, but if I must, then I'll certainly give as good as I get. The problem is with the Mrs, she always puts the guilt trip on me. Now, I know we all do it, it's part of our womanly ways. We probably do it without thinking, and with a bloke it normally has the desired effect of them coming round to our way of thinking. But it's not only the guilt trip thing she does to me, she also throws in the “I'm the wronged-party” (a particular favourite of mine – when used against some one else, obviously). I get stroppy & become the monosyllabic 13 year old everyone hates, and we just don't get anywhere.

We never seem to be able to resolve the underlying issues. Although I will argue, I'm normally the one to back down. I simply just don't like arguing. And living so far away from each other, we never get the nice making up bit. By the time we see each other again, the argument is long forgotten, or I just don't want to bring it all up again.

It's a pain in the arse, and I just wish she wouldn't throw all the female tricks of the trade at me. I don't like it! I want to use them on her!

Newts to you too

2007-04-15T22:01:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Calvin Harris – Acceptable In the 80's

I'm so glad the Mrs bought me my bike. I've used it so much lately. If she was getting a return on how much I've used it, she would have surely got her money back by now.

Today, after an hour in the gym & a quick rest, I decided to go on another one of my quick bike rides before going round to the parentals for a BBQ. You see, the other week I found this new area in my home town that I never knew existed. There were all these lakes public footpaths & tracks that I never knew were there. It was great! Obviously other people knew they were there because they'd kindly made tracks for me to follow, but it was all new to me. So after following one route last week, I decided to follow another route this week.

My first discovery was that we have Great Crested Newts less than 1 mile from my very own doorstep. Am I bovvered? you're no doubt thinking. Well, they're a protected species don't you know (or so a little sign told me). They even had their own little fences to protect them. So that shows they must be important. Not that I saw any, they're clearly too important to show themselves to mere mortals.

Secondly, I think I found the old railway. It was quite strange really, I kind of felt like I was in that film Stand By Me. It was all kind of deserted & there was this old railway bridge spanning the river that runs through our town. I stopped to roll up my trousers, but that was it. I didn't like to linger for too long in case I was being spied on by some web-footed fen-dweller who thought I was trespassing on their wetlands. Either that or the newts were about to pounce on me, so I quickly cycled over the bridge.

Next thing I know, I've come across all these parked cars & middle aged men with binoculars. I either found the local dogging hangout, or they were a bunch of birdwatchers. I'm going with the birdwatchers theory, but I could always be wrong because I couldn't actually see any birds (well, not of the feathered variety), and they just seemed to be looking into open spaces.

So yeah, after cycling round the local nature reserve, my keen sense of direction lead me to a quaint little pub in one of Cambridgeshire's picturesque villages. The only problem was I was on the wrong side of the river & there was no obvious way to cross it, well apart from swimming & there was no way I was going to do that however much I wanted an alcoholic drink. So, a quick U-turn & I was back off round the reserve to see if it was possible for me to cycle to work. I think it might be possible, but the tracks were a little too bumpy for my liking (and my bum's).

By the time I'd made it round to the parentals, my little bike computer announced I'd done over 9 miles and I was pretty chuffed with myself actually. And the BBQ was just what I needed after all that cycling.

I'm a sex addict

2007-03-27T22:10:00.000+01:00

Or at least I think I am. I watched that documentary the other night that Ulrika did on Channel 4, and to be honest, a lot of what was said, hit a note with me. There's no denying that I like sex. In fact, I like it a lot. And if I'm completely honest, I want it more than I'm getting it right now.

When I met the Mrs I thought I'd finally found some one who liked sex as much as I did. But for various reasons, (and it's not really fair of me to go into those details right now), we now don't have sex as often as I desire.

My problem is that I feel rejected when I don't get the sex I want. That's not to say I'm overly demanding, and according to Ulrika, sex addiction is not all about having to have really dirty sex 20 times a day. But for whatever reason, I can't cope with the rejection of not having sex when the Mrs simply doesn't feel like it. She's not rude about it, and she doesn't have to physically fight me off or anything (I'm not that demanding...), and I know I really shouldn't take it to heart like I do. I just can't help it though; Things have clearly happened that make me feel that way.

Even before I had my first encounter with a woman (the Mrs), way back when I was still deciding if I might actually be gay, I used to think about lesbian sex an awful lot. What would it be like? How would it actually feel touching a woman? How would I know what to do? Was I doing it right? Would she like it? And so on. So, even before I took that first momentous step with the Mrs, I guess I'd already made it into a big issue in my mind. I'd already decided that it was going to be on my terms & I wasn't going to be rushed into anything, and luckily for me, the Mrs was prepared to wait until I felt completely ready. OK, she didn't have to wait that long, but the thought was definitely there, and she never would have put any pressure on me.

So after we had sex, I wanted more. It was great! Lesbian sex is the bestest ever, so how could I not want more?! And now, even though we've been together for over a year, I still feel I'm in the first joys of a new relationship. I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel that way, but I certainly do, and I'm glad I still feel that way. My heart beats faster when I see her, I long to touch her, and I just want to make her happy.

The Mrs has certainly accused me of being obsessed with sex in the past, and perhaps to a certain extent I am. But why doesn't she realise that it's still reasonably new to me, while she's had many a year to enjoy it (I'm not saying she's ancient or anything). And more importantly, after watching Ulrika, I've found that it's not just a case of liking sex a lot, there's clearly more to it, because why do I feel such rejection when she simply doesn't want to have sex?

I'm not sure what the answer is, and maybe she doesn't either. I'd just like to think that we can get an even better understanding of each other.

My mate Ulrika Jonsson

All good things must come to an end

2007-03-26T20:15:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Pink - Leave Me Alone (I'm lonely) (I love the song, but I don't get the title. Pink, if you're lonely, why do you want to be left alone? Or am I missing the plot completely?)

As I may have mentioned previously, I made it back safely from my trip to Thailand, and I think I've just about recovered from my jet jag (yeah, I know I've been back for ages). Bangkok was great, Koh Samui was even better, and it's shit being back! (And what is going on with the weather? One minute its snowing, the next the sun's shining) The weather was so good and I actually managed to get a bit of colour on my pale & pasty English skin. The food was great; In fact, I don't think we ate a bad meal (a particular favourite being the Chicken Pad Thai and the mango & sweet sticky rice at Suan Lum night market - trust me, they both were to die for). Well, maybe I had one bad meal, but that was my own fault really (when the menu says the curry is "medium", don't believe it...). I even managed to get through three books, which isn't bad going considering all the Scrabble, backgammon & Uno we played.

I think the Mrs enjoyed herself & considering that two week holiday is the longest time we've spent together, we actually got on quite well. We had a few disagreements, but what do you expect when you get two women together? Actually, that's one thing I notice. With He Who Must Not Be Named, I could quite easily put the guilt trip on him. Just a few carefully selected words & he would soon enough come round to my way of thinking (not that he was a gullible fool or anything. He was just a twat). And of course it was all his own decision. But with the Mrs, I can try the guilt trip thing, but it just doesn't work, and you know what? She does it to me too, but she doesn't get away with it. It's obviously part of what makes a woman a woman, because I don't reckon she's knows she's doing it half the time. I, on the other hand, am fully aware of my feminine ways and like to think I know how to use them to my advantage.

So yeah, it's back to normality now, and what a bummer that is. Shit weather, shit job & no money. I know where I'd rather be right now...

Is that all?

2007-03-18T21:55:00.000Z

I honestly thought I'd managed to visit a little bit more than 10% of the world... Oh well, there's still plenty of time to improve on that figure!

Home Sweet Home

2007-03-05T20:34:00.000Z

I made it back with no incidences whatsoever (i.e. this holiday was hurricane-free). So by all accounts the holiday can be classed as a success! I’m a bit knackered still so a full report will follow shortly (just in case you’re remotely interested); just let me get over this last little bit of jetlag first.

Anyway, laters...

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu

2007-02-16T09:16:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Ray LaMontagne - Hold You In My Arms

Well, that’s it from me. Don’t panic, I’m not giving up on this blogging malarkey, I’m just off on holiday! Yes, that’s right, my long-awaited trip to Thailand has finally arrived! My suitcase is as good as packed, I’ve got my tickets & I’ve found my passport (which is still in date), so really there’s not much more to do.

And in case you were wondering, apparently my ECG was OK, so that is a big relief (especially as I’m just about to go on a 12 hour flight). I just have a follow up appointment with my doctor when I get back.

Anyway, must go, these nails won’t paint themselves!

My Hotel. Ok, it's not, it's the Grand Palace in Bangkok

It’s not the best news I’ve ever had

2007-02-05T19:20:00.000Z

*Today I am mostly listening to nothing because I’m not really in the mood :-(*

I had my doctor’s appointment today. You remember the one; it was the one to check on my speedy pulse rate after the gym wouldn’t let me use their services. Perhaps I mentioned it recently.

My appointment was at 4:10 pm, but I didn’t get in to see her until at least 4:45 pm. So I had all that time to sit there making myself even more nervous than I already was. Great. So when I eventually got in she took my blood pressure & pulse. Blood pressure: OK, maybe a little on the high side. Pulse: 120 bpm. So a bit high then. I did own up to being a bit nervous, so she took it again. This time, blood pressure OK, pulse 110 bpm. Still a bit high then.

She listened to my heart & reported that it sounded fine. She then listened to my lungs & reported they also sounded fine. So that’s great then. But obviously it’s not, because I’ve got to go back for a blood test tomorrow & an ECG on Wednesday. And as I clearly get so nervous, she wants me to take my blood pressure & pulse three times a day for three days. At least then I’ll be in a more normal & relaxed situation & she’ll be able to get a better view of what my levels really are.

Luckily I’m talking to the Mrs again, so I gave her a quick call for some reassurance. I think I got the reassurance I needed, but she is a bit tied up with her own issues at the moment, so I’m still a bit unsure. She told me not to worry, and there’d probably be nothing wrong. And if there is anything wrong, they’ll do something about it. Errm, OK. I did actually say that for my ignorance, I wasn’t too sure what an ECG was. Luckily with all her worldly experience, she was able to calmly explain it all to me... I swear I could feel my pulse going up again.

Anyway, despite my increasing pulse rate, today is a momentous day for other reasons. My blog has made it to the grand old age of 2! Yes that’s right, two years ago today I made that first boring post. And here we are 2 years later, still making boring posts!

Am I bovvered? Errm, yes I am actually. And a little bit worried too.

From the mouths of children

2007-02-04T21:02:00.000Z

*Today I am mostly listening to: The Seahorses – Happiness Is Egg shaped*

I’ve been out to lunch today for my Aunts 60th birthday. We went to Cambridge’s poshest hotel (or so they say), and my Uncle had gone to the extravagance of booking a private room for the afternoon. The wait staff were excellent; and if you ignore the heathens who sent their roast beef back to be burnt to a crisp, the food was pretty goods as well.

One of my personal highlights was the speech made by my cousin’s 8 year old son (I guess that also makes him my cousin?). He announced to the whole room "I’d like to wish Grandma a happy 60th birthday, and although she may be crinkly & wrinkly, I still love her". Ah, bless. However, this obviously didn’t go down well with my Aunt (who is clearly not happy about reaching the ripe old age of 60). She stood up and said, "I’d like to thanks you all for coming, and I’d just like to announce to you all that my grandson has gone gay". Well, would you ever? "Gone gay"? What could she possibly mean? I can only presume that when you reach 60, that’s meant as an insult to a Manchester United-obsessed 8 year old. He obviously thinks a bit quicker than his father though (I’m afraid I haven’t liked my cousin for a long time now, but that’s another story), and he came back with a quiet, but just loud enough, "At least I’m not crinkly and wrinkly".

The sheepish follow-up

2007-02-02T17:29:00.000Z

*Today I am mostly listening to: Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good*

OK, perhaps I went on a bit too much. Now that I’ve had a few days to calm down & I’ve thought about it a bit more, I've decided to book an appointment to see my doctor. I spoke to her first & she seemed quite surprised that my pulse was as high as that, and she said she’d feel much happier if I had a quick check-up. So, I’m off to the doctors on Monday afternoon. I’m getting slightly worried though. I might have had something seriously wrong for all these years & they’re only about to find out about it now...

Also, I can’t remember if I mentioned it earlier, but I’ve already had one visit to the doctors this week and had some vaccinations for Thailand. Since Wednesday certain parts of my body have been extremely tender & painful. It’s an unusual feeling & one that I don’t think I’ve experienced before. The main places being where my back meets my fat arse (is there a proper word for the area?) & a special lady-only place. I’m hoping, and to a certain extent, presuming this is just a side effect from the combined injection I had. Because I really don’t know if I can cope with this pain for much longer, and I really don’t want to bother my doctor with this as well. It's not that I don't like visiting the doctors or anything.

Me, sheepish? Never.

A load of sweaty old bollocks

2007-01-30T21:17:00.000Z

I’m a bit pissed off to say the least. I went to the gym this evening for my programme review. I was there on time & when the instructor eventually turned up, she looked up my details on the computer & ever so calmly announced that I actually needed a full programme review & a re-introduction session (just like your induction programme, but they "reintroduce" you to the equipment...), and instead of the half hour I’d originally booked, I’d need an hour session. Apparently because I haven’t been for over a year I’ve some how forgotten how to use all the equipment... Then just to cheer me up, she wanted to charge £32 for the privilege. I wouldn’t bloody mind, but I only wanted my bloody key updating with the bloody new equipment.

But that’s not what has really pissed me off. After giving me the discount rate of £10 (which I did appreciate), she then took me off to the consultation room to weigh me & take my blood pressure. OK, I knew I’d put on weight & obviously I’m back at the gym to try & lose it again. So that was fine and no big surprise (and I actually weighed less than I thought I would). She then took my blood pressure, which was absolutely fine, but announced that my pulse rate was too high (96 bpm). She reliably informed me that it should be less than 84 bpm. Apparently she’s allowed to take it three times. So she took it three times. The second time it was 111 bpm, the third time it was 109 bpm (deep breathing obviously didn’t work that well). And because of this I’m now not allowed to use the gym until I have a letter from my doctor saying that I’m OK to use it. So it doesn’t matter that I’m actually at the gym to try & improve my health, I have to have a sodding note from my doctor to say that I’m allowed to be there!

I wouldn’t mind so much, but she’d wound me up in the first place by being late (I hate people being late), gone on about how I should have had a different appointment, I’d been "sold the wrong product" and I’d have to pay extra money (lots). She’d then worried me when she took my blood pressure the first time by saying my pulse was very high (that’s a good way to relax me) & it was OK as I had three attempts to get it right (there’s nothing like putting a bit of pressure on you). After my failed third attempt, I explained that I’ve always had a high pulse rate (it’s no lie, I have) and even when I was Sport Billy’s sister (i.e. very active; tennis, squash, swimming and/or running every day of the week) my pulse was always higher than those doing much less than me. And actually, it’s never been an issue before, so why should it be now? Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand that she’s following the guidelines & procedures that are there to protect me & them, but actually, she could quite easily have taken into account all the external factors that could possibly be making my pulse rate higher than normal, and actually listen to what I’m saying about my history. The bloody annoying thing is, I had my bloody pressure taken last week & my pulse was 85 bpm, and you never know, she might have let me get away with it being one point over their recommended levels (Wiki says it should be between 60 – 100, so there).

I can be quite shy & reserved when it comes to speaking out (I know I shouldn’t be), but I told her I was very disappointed with the whole situation, and actually, I was at the gym to do something about my health, and it was more than likely that I wouldn’t bother getting a letter from my doctor as it was just too much hassle all round (trying to get anything out of my doctor is like trying to get blood from a stone. Well, that’s when my doctor is actually there; she only works every third Monday of every fourth month, and then she only takes appointments between 9:57 & 10:26 in the morning – OK that’s possibly a bit of an exaggeration...). I know it’s no skin off her nose, and it’s only myself that I’m harming by not getting a doctors note, but I was so pissed off about the fact that I’d done the proper thing of booking an appointment when all I really needed was my bloody bollocking key updating.

So I’ve had a really productive night tonight; I’ve missed three precious hours overtime at work (could have paid for a diving trip on holiday), I ended up sitting in traffic for three quarters of an hour on the way home (it should only take 10 mins), and I never got to have my stress-busting workout. I suppose I should be thankful that at least I got to have my sun bed... Oh, and I had an argument with the Mrs yesterday and I haven’t heard from her since.

So all’s well then.

Just like tEC tONiK, Pink was screaming, angry & annoyed (and I don't mind admitting that this pic is only here to try & cheer me up!)

Tales from the gym

2007-01-27T17:22:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Coldcut – Walk A Mile In These Shoes (as heard at The Big Chill August 2006)

I actually went and did it. I actually made it to the gym yesterday. And as a reward, I let myself have a sun bed. So now I’m a lovely shade of pink, which will hopefully die down a bit before my next visit.

Anyway, my gym has had another makeover & they’ve gone all London wine bar this time. There’s all this mauvey/pinky/purpley lighting & it’s a bit kind of darker than it used to be (which is probably a good thing; at least I can’t see the blood vessels pumping in the side my red & sweaty face). The nice wooden floors are still the same & the off-white walls don’t seem to have changed, but it’s just full of this wine bar lighting. In front of the big scary wall length mirror they used to have these 5 TV’s, and you could plug your headphones into a magic little box on your chosen piece of equipment, and instead of listening to the banging house tunes, you could watch, MTV, BBC 1 or Sky Pports, or whatever the gym monkey had chosen that day. Well, they’ve got rid of the 5 TV’s & replaced them with 3 widescreen ones. And they all seemed to be on MTV. Which was odd.

So not only have they changed the décor, they’ve cunningly added a few new pieces of cardio equipment & taken a few favourites away. So that confused me. They also used to have this big chunky monitor thingy that you put your gym key into & loaded your workout onto. As I couldn’t see it through the door, I thought they’d probably moved it, but no, they’ve got rid of it completely & now have these little flat screen monitor thingys. (I found them after cunningly following some one else in & watching them sign in). All the weights appear to be the same, well perhaps I should say that all the weight I use appear to be the same. So in light of all this new equipment I thought it best if I booked a programme review. At least I’ll know how to use things properly then. But I didn’t let the new scary equipment stop me from doing a mini-workout. Oh no, I’m made of stronger stuff than that. I happily sweated my arse off for three quarters of an hour. And I know it must have had some effect as me bingo wings are a bit sore today.

Pink at the gym (and honestly, it's not just an excuse to post another picture of Pink...)

Nice weather for penguins

2007-01-25T20:57:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: De La Soul – A Roller Skating Jam Named ‘Saturdays’

Well, we had a bit of snow but by lunchtime it had pretty much disappeared. Mind you, it didn’t stop the roads of Cambridgeshire from clogging up. And unfortunately the snowdrifts weren’t high enough to close all surrounding routes. I really could have done with a day off as well. Oh well, here’s hoping for a bit more snow. Especially if I’m tucked up in bed with the Mrs, a nice cuppa tea, feeling all nice & cosy.

And in other news, knickers; in particular, girl boxers. These just happen to be my current favourite choice of underwear, but yesterday they were right up me arse all day. I’ll spare you the detail, but why did they suddenly have to do that? Haven’t got a clue why, and it’s not as if they were a brand new pair.

Anyway, tomorrow I’m planning on making my first trip of 2007 to the gym (*cue the raucous applause*). Haven’t got a clue how it’s happened (as if...), but I reckon I must have put on about a stone since this time last year. I’ve been feeling a bit sluggish lately so now that I’ve been paid, I’ve decided to do something about it. It will no doubt completely knacker me, but it’s got to be done. Oh, and if I go to the gym, I also get to have a sun bed. I’m using it as my incentive. Go to the gym & I can have a sun bed as a reward. OK, it’s not much of a reward, but I need a bit of colour before I bare my pale flesh to the population of Thailand. So there you go.

She said what?

2007-01-18T20:40:00.000Z

Heard in the office today:

"Crystal Tipps? That’s in Australia isn’t it?"

Seriously, that was actually said in a conversation today. What, like, Alice Springs?!

Which then led onto:

"I always wanted Grandpa's flumpet"

Now, I always liked The Flumps. Pootle was my favourite. But I think I'm fine without Grandpa's flumpet thanks very much.

Anyway, can't hang around, The L Word will be on soon, and I really must watch it.

Guess what I did?

2007-01-12T19:32:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Muse – Knights of Cydonia

I only went and bought myself a Freeview box this week. I’ve been going on about it for ages, but was kind of reluctant to actually go & buy one in case it didn’t work. You see, I live in a ground floor flat & I have to connect to a shared aerial, so I feared the signal would be a bit shit. I only ever managed to get four channels as it was. But this week, some kind soul from work let me borrow theirs to see if it would work. And do you know what? It bloody well worked perfectly. Every one else in the flats has probably lost their signal, but what the hell, at least mine works.

So, not only did I buy a Freeview box, I got a bit carried away and bought one with a 80gb hard drive in it. So no more video tapes for me. Set up was easy enough (you just, like, follow the instructions) and next thing I know, there’s a full selection of channels. And to add to my excitement, I found out I can watch The L Word on FTN! OK, it’s only the first series, but what the hell; it’s still The L Word!

I came home from work today and some how ended up watching Ellen DeGeneres on Five Life (channel surfing don’t ya know). I haven’t really seen her since she was in that show of hers (that’ll be The Ellen Show then), and my God, she’s such a lesbian! It’s the walk, the posturing, the hair, the clothes, everything. How could we not know she was gay when she was in that show of hers?!

And in other news, with the weird weather we’ve been having lately our town has flooded. It’s not unusual because whenever we get a bit of extra rain, the river rises & the flood plains, errr, flood. It’s just a bit unusual this early in the year. Anyway, it’s a pain in the arse. Because certain roads flood and are forced to close, it now takes me 40 minutes instead of 15 minutes to get to work. It really is a pain in the arse. I suppose I should think myself lucky; at least I don’t have this problem:

The new special edition Submariner Mazda MX5

The imaginatively named New Year Post

2007-01-07T12:21:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Paul Weller – Early Morning Rain

Well, here it finally is, my first (proper) post of 2007. And once again, it’s been a while since I managed to post anything of much interest here (I seem to say that an awful lot!). Not sure why, but I’m gonna put it down to a lack of creativity & the fact that I was actually pretty busy before Christmas.

So, where do I start? Christmas wasn’t too bad, thanks very much. I spent the weekend before the big day with the Mrs, which was really nice. It included a lot of drinking & our own early Christmas. Oh and also some strumming on Guitar Hero & some screeching on Singstar. My first effort on Guitar Hero wasn’t actually that bad, but it went decidedly downhill after that. And well, I don’t think I really want to even talk about Singstar...

Christmas with the family was quite nice. Atomic Rosie & myself went for our usual Christmas morning bike ride (6.5 miles don’t you know). We normally come back to the house to find a drunken mother, but this year she’d decided to wait to open the champagne until we were home. Which was nice.

Present highlights included some firming body-wash (is my aunt trying to tell me something?), an iTrip type thingy (which I desperately needed, the CD player in my car is knackered), Kath & Kim Series 2 DVD (ya hornbag), and also a matching place mat & drinks mat from another aunt (how strange was that?!). I also treated myself to a Pink Nintendo DS. Yes, I couldn’t resist it any more; I thought sod the expense and went ahead & bought one. So far I’ve only got Zoo Tycoon DS (which has kept me occupied for hours), but I do have the ever-popular Brain Training on order (and boy do I need that).

The normally slow period between Christmas & New Year was spent at Atomic Rosie’s new pied à terre. I had the enjoyable task of building the Ikea furniture. Honestly, call me a freak if you must, but I actually quite enjoy building Ikea furniture. It’s the obsessive compulsive in me. I like the fact I can group together & line up all the screws, widgets & other useful Swedish items, then follow the simple instructions and produce a piece of functioning furniture at the end. She knows what I’m like so I think that’s why she gave me the job.

Ikea even do kitchen appliances! Here's one I made earlier

So, after a busy few days at Atomic Rosie’s, I made my way down the motorway to the Mrs for New Year for more fun, frivolity & alcohol. She’d decided to have a get together for New Year, so after a few trips to Tesco, we decorated the house & spent an awful lot of time preparing party food. Despite a promise of attendance, the Poisoned Scot didn’t turn up (apparently she’d been out the night before & was still to rough to manage New Years Eve; as if. I mean who goes out the night before New Years Eve & can’t actually manage the big event? I reckon she’s just playing games again). It wasn’t a problem to me, but I knew the Mrs was annoyed. It would have just been nice to know before 7pm, but there you go.

Despite the lack of a Poisoned Scot (I’ve never really liked her), the night was pretty good & I’m glad we spent it with the friends we did. More Guitar Hero was played (thank God, no Singstar) & an awful lot of alcohol was consumed. I eventually gave in to tiredness at about 3 am & left the Mrs and the South African playing Guitar Hero. However, I was woken up a couple of hours later to be told that the Mrs was walking the South African home. And this is where it all went weird. It turned into another birthday night/weekend to forget...

I’ve got a fair idea of what causes it, but bloody hell, it freaks me out when it happens. Apparently I was a member of the Royal family who was happy to let the Mrs buy all the alcohol, even though she was very poor but intelligent accountant (I’d more than contributed to the alcohol & food fund for the night & she’s not an accountant, although she is intelligent), and her current girlfriend was actually the evil-ex and not me (she hasn’t been with her ex for 3 years). Those were the edited highlights, and I feel a little bit too scarred to talk about the rest. So what was a nice night, turned into a bit of a freaky night/morning in the end.

Anyway, we’re all right now (well until the next time) and that’s all that matters. So there you go, that was my wonderful Christmas & New Year. Oh, and I haven’t made any resolutions (I’m sure they’re just a marketing campaign), I just plan to lose weight in time for the holiday in February and blog a bit more!

Pussy

2007-01-07T10:45:00.000Z

Came across this (honestly, no pun intended). Visit gapingvoid now. It's good.

What is the world coming to?

2006-12-09T11:10:00.000Z

Katie Price & Peter Andre singing Islands In The Stream on Popworld this morning. Need I really say any more?

Red, red wine

2006-11-08T20:12:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Rodrigo Y Gabriela – Tamacun

Ah, the pleasures of red wine (on a school night as well...) You’ll have to forgive me for the randomness (and possibly the bad spelling & grammar) of this blog, because I’ve probably drunk a little bit too much red wine on an empty stomach (mind you, there is a chicken/sweet potato concoction cooking in the oven, so that may not be my excuse for long...).

Well, I spoke to The Mrs about the weekend to forget, and as expected she pretty much laughed it off and put it down to her complete and utter wankeredness (I’m sure that’s not a proper word, but you know what I mean). The thing is, I couldn’t leave it alone, and certain events from that weekend kept going over & over in my mind. So me being me, I just had to bring it up.

Some times she just knows the perfect thing to say to me. I mentioned the conversation we’d had about her shagging the Poisoned Scot, and how she said the sex excellent. She replied with "but it would be nothing compared to the sex I have with you". I really don’t know what I expected, but I certainly didn’t expect that reply. Bless her, I really do love her.

Anyway, we’re off to see England v Argentina at the weekend. So I can only hope that we do a bit better than we did last weekend against New Zealand. I watched the whole game (in between putting a peppered beef casserole in the oven for the parentals and doing the washing up), and although we (as in England) lost by a record margin, I honestly didn’t think we played that bad. Certainly not bad enough for that score line. Anyway, we’re going with a South African, so I really hope she doesn’t decide to support Argentina for the day (although she has already threatened to buy a Puma’s rugby shirt & you know what these Southern hemisphere types are like). It’s not that I’m particularly patriotic or anything, but I hope England actually manage win this one.

Even a prop managed to score (or was it a hooker *snigger*)

And in other news, my lovely Carrera Subway 1 is going in for a service this weekend. And bloody hell does it need it. Only had it 6 weeks and the front and back breaks are sticking, and the chain has fallen off. But despite all that, I still love my bike.

In todays spam corner Jack Sawyer mentions mumble adrenaline (wasn't he in Lost?), Dobbin Gallegos says piously covered, Joe Thurman announces motherboard tingling, Clarence Wilcox wants me to know about tube pep talk, and Rosalind Spencer says glittering meddler. Oh, the joy of spam mail.

Cigarettes and alcohol (and other such substances)

2006-10-30T20:44:00.000Z

Dear TLG,

I’m freaked out, pissed off, and slightly scared. All I want to do is run away & hide in a darkened room for a very long time. I don’t know whether I can talk to you about this, because when I mentioned it at the time, you laughed & didn’t seem at all embarrassed. I know you were completely wankered, but I have issues with the following:

1. You had sex with your so-called best friend (when will you realise the Poisoned Scot treats you like shit & is certainly not your best friend?). I know you’d already told me about it, and I don’t particularly have a problem with it (after all, you’re not the only one to have shagged a friend) but it’s not very nice for me to hear that the sex was excellent, and if you ever had sex with her again, you know that sex would also be excellent. I’m your girlfriend, and although it’s better not to hide things from me, that was perhaps a bit too much information. I have to wonder if you’re thinking about having sex with her again.

2. You don’t need to tell all of your friends that I’m obsessed with sex and you feel that I’m pressuring you. It really didn’t help the situation when you threatened to drag some one off the street if I didn’t hurry up and shag you. Who's pressuring who?

3. Please don’t freak me out by asking who’s fingers they are. They were mine and there was only ever us in the bedroom. There were never any photographers, there was no magazine, and I certainly didn’t shag any one else, while saying you weren't allowed to shag any one.

4. Please, please don’t ask me about the size of He Who Must Not Be Named’s trouser snake. Normally you can’t stand to hear him mentioned. And you’d better not be annoyed, because you brought the subject up & I really really didn’t want to talk about him. He’s in my past and that’s all there is to it.

5. I know you’ve got ex-girlfriends, and I don’t have a problem with that, but there are some things that you really shouldn’t tell me. You should have just given me the edited highlights of your conversation with the Poisoned Scot. I’m sure your ex-girlfriends are wonderful in their own way, but you don’t need to go on about how they were "absolutely stunning", and then in the next breath say "but you’ve got beautiful eyes". That really was a barbed compliment followed by an almighty smack in the gob.

I know you’ll never read this (or at least I hope you won’t), but I have to get it all off my chest. Hopefully I’ll feel better for it.

Yours sincerely,
tEC tONiK

P.S. Thanks for saying I could shag Pink should the occasion ever arise; although I do have to point out that it was you who started & ended that conversation. I never actually had any input into it what so ever.

P.P.S. Thanks for voting me Licker Of The Month – God knows where that comment came from, but I guess it was a compliment of some kind.

I’d like to teach the world to sing. Apparently.

2006-10-26T17:32:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Fedde Le Grand – Put Your Hands Up For Detroit

Horoscopes can be funny old things. I don’t religiously live by mine, but I do read it on a daily basis. Call me superstitious if you want, but I’ll openly admit that I take a passing interest in my stars on the off chance that there’s some impending gloom or hidden happiness just round the corner. Anyway, my free daily horoscope was delivered to my inbox yesterday morning & this is what it merrily announced:

If you're not already so inclined, tEC, why not try your hand at expressing yourself through singing? Even if you're convinced you couldn't sing your way out of a paper bag, you might be surprised at what happens if you just let yourself go. Feel silly singing out loud? Then BE silly. Ham it up and have some fun with it. Even if you're tone deaf, you'll have a great time and that sort of feeling is infectious.

Hey? I’m sorry but I did have to laugh. I’m absolutely convinced the astrologer was on drugs when they wrote this. Either that or perhaps it was some kind of dare to see how many daft Librans they could get singing & looking like complete & utter twats.

Suffice to say, I did not spend the day singing, although I will own up to singing a few bars of Girls Aloud – Something Kinda Ooooh under my breath this afternoon. I don’t think any one noticed though.

Go on, teach the world to sing

And today’s spam round-up includes: Ned Berg & sunflower matted, Stephana Erickson & hot chocolate grit, Kenneth Knox & non-dairy nit and finally, Honey mail & Rabbit thrusters vibrator price breakthrough at LoveHoney (*blushes* oops, that shouldn’t be in the spam folder...)

Lots to see and lots to do (and lots to write about)

2006-10-23T22:38:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Hot Chip – Over and Over

Well, what can I say? I’ve been pretty busy of late, hence the complete lack of blogs. Not that I haven’t got anything to blog about of course.

Firstly P!nk came & went (that’s the proper way to write it apparently), I celebrated a birthday & I’ve finally booked a holiday.

Pink was absolutely excellent, I knew most of the words & I would definitely recommend that everyone (well, maybe not everyone) go & see her (especially at the bargain price of £26.50). I’ve never been to the NIA & I have to say that it’s remarkably similar to the NEC (where I just happened to see Take That – excellent show, did I ever get round to blogging about that?).

Pink's big NIA. Just look at all the lesbians!

I did have my doubts about what she would actually sound like in a space that big, but honestly, trust me, her voice was excellent, I could have creamed me jeans. However, not only did I attend an excellent concert (have I used that adjective enough yet?!), but I also learnt something new. Pink is a gay icon!

Pink. She's excellent.

Call me thick if you must. I knew I liked her and I knew the Mrs liked her, but I honestly didn’t realise that the under-35 lesbian population of Great Britain were also avid fans. I was shocked. And to make matters worse, I happened to be dressed in the Summer 2006 lesbian uniform (not that I have a problem being a new member of the lesbian club; I just happen to like the little bit of mystery that surrounds my appearance – the "is she/isn’t she" factor). But anyway, I don’t think I’ll be wearing my uniform again any time soon.

The summer 2006 lesbian uniform

And while I’m on the subject of lesbians, they can be pretty odd can’t they? Whilst making our way back to Broad Street for a tasty burrito, a couple of scary-Mary lesbians in front of us started to have an argument (apparently lesbian A had snogged her ex in front of lesbian B – so an argument would be completely understandable). Well, we managed to benefit from this little fracas, as lesbian B threw her £10 Pink program on the floor and stormed off with lesbian A in hot pursuit. No one else was around, so what were we to do but pick up the rather expensive program? *shrug*. The Mrs also told me a story about when she went to see Texas at G-A-Y, and a couple of lesbians in front of her had a major argument. Apparently Sharleen looked at one lesbian but the other was convinced Sharleen had looked at her. I don’t know, lesbians can be right funny.

Anyway, Pink was excellent. So there you go.

Moving on swiftly, I’ve also celebrated my birthday (but I’m not saying which one). The kind & generous birthday fairy decided to pay me a visit (and with some help from the Mrs) I was the recipient of a brand new bike! And I just have to say that I love my bike and I love Halfords for reducing it by £80 (I would never have let the Mrs buy it otherwise). It’s great! It’s sleek, it’s sexy and most importantly it’s all mine, my precious.

My sleek n sexy Carrera Subway 1 birthday bike

I never thought I’d have a girls bike, but this is actually a girls bike (check out the symbol). I reckon girls bikes normally look a bit daft, but in my opinion this looks like a proper riders bike. So I’m well chuffed & after buying some mud guards and a bike computer (thanks Atomic Rosie), I’ve been out and about on it quite often (mind you, I think the Mrs would skin me alive if I didn’t use it!).

It's a ladieee's bike!

And in the final story for tonight, I’ve booked a holiday! I’m happy to report that I’m off to Thailand with the Mrs & two of her friends for two weeks. OK, it’s not until February 2007, but I’m sooo looking forward to it. Two weeks of sun, fun and maybe a little bit of sex (OK, I’m hoping for a lot of sex ;-) ). Oh and we might fit in a bit of sightseeing as well. Honestly, I’ve pretty much needed another holiday since my run-in with Wilma (I’m sure I never finished that story... I really must get round to it) but it just hasn’t happened this year. So I’m definitely going to make up for it when February finally gets here!

Over in spam corner, Fred Becker is telling me about Rocking horse fell, Annie Moran is advising about canny tightfisted (sounds painful), David Denton wants me to know about astonishment tizzy & Judith Gregg announces unforgettable stick-in-the-mud.

A question of monogamy

2006-09-17T13:17:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Pink – Leave Me Alone (I’m lonely) (Not long now, gotta listen to her to make sure I know all the words ;-) )

A thought occurred to me the other day; is having phone sex with some one other than your beloved classed as cheating? Not that I’ve done it of course. *Some one* I know had phone sex with a chick, who said she was happy to do it as long as her girlfriend didn’t find out.

Dial S for sex

In my usual subtle way, I mentioned this to The Mrs & she is definitely of the opinion that it is cheating and has made me promise that I’d never do it, and if I have ever done it, I have to own up to it (she likes things out in the open, does my Mrs).

I’m still undecided if I would class it as cheating or not. I mean, it’s not as if you’re physically with the other person, it’s only sounds, noises & a very close relationship with Mrs Palmer. And I don’t reckon there is as much of a connection as with the real act. But on the other hand (no pun intended), you’re showing the other person a very intimate side that only your beloved has been witness to. Hmm, it’s a strange one.

Today I am lusting after lots of things: Oh, That Play Thing by Roddy Doyle, Imperium by Robert Harris and The Mission Song by John Le Carré. Mind you, I’m still ploughing through Birds Without Wings so I guess I’d better finish that before I start buying other books! And not only would I like some new reading matter, I’d also like some new toys: a pink Nintendo DS Lite or a pink Sony PSP (I love pink me). Good job it’s my birthday soon, I wonder what the birthday fairy will bring?!

Alright now

2006-09-13T21:16:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Lily Allen – LDN (I still really wish I’d seen her at The Big Chill…).

I’m happy to report that things with The Mrs seem to be back on track. The visit last weekend has restored my faith in the relationship & I feel we’re pretty much back to where we were. Not only did we get on really well, but the sex was also great! (Too much information? I don't think so).

I’d pretty much decided that if we spent all our time bickering then I was going to call it a day, and my beloved two hour drives would be no more. I didn’t say anything to The Mrs; there didn’t seem any point in putting extra pressure on the visit. I just wanted to see how things went, and things went well!

Perhaps I do worry too much, but this is my first relationship with a woman, so I think I’m allowed to worry a little bit. The Mrs reckons I haven’t been in a normal relationship because she says every one argues. Well, I know couples argue, and I have been in relationships where I’ve argued (that doesn’t mean I have to like it though), but just not every time I saw my beloved. So you have to understand why I thought things may be just slightly doomed.

The Mrs also says that we haven’t even argued properly yet, so I dread to think what that will be like!

Anyway, in other news I finally managed to get myself some new glasses (not that you knew I needed some). Last week I paid a visit to my local Tesco Extra & visited their busy little opticians (Every Little Helps, apparently). Not only did I get a thorough eye test, but I also managed to get myself some fancy FCUK & Police glasses. Buy one pair over £79, get the second pair free. So I made the most of it and bought one pair for £119 & got the £99 ones for free. Bargain or what?

Specsavers anyone? Nah, Tesco Value thanks very much

Reasons to be cheerful... Or not...

2006-09-04T21:56:00.000+01:00

1. The Friend Who’s Not a Friend, But Is A Friend Again bought me a box of broken biscuits today! What joy! What pleasure! Honestly, who would have thought that a cardboard box full of damaged Jammy Dodger’s, chocolate fingers & other such delights could bring so much joy?! I’m not being sarcastic either.

Well, you can't have a biscuit without a cup of tea. Earl Gray if you please.

2. Kath and Kim are back! Yeah baby, they’re back on BBC 2! OK, I’m a bit late with this groundbreaking announcement, but it’s made me happy. I don’t know if I’m just getting used to their humour, but the little jokes seem to be a bit more telegraphed this time. Anyway, no worries, pass me the Dippity-Bix ya hornbag

OK, so I only made it to 2, but I think I may be struggling with the blog at the moment. Things are not all great in the garden of lesbian love at the moment, and I don’t quite know how to express my thoughts clearly & concisely, and perhaps this is why I’ve started off in a really bland & rambling way!

The last few times I’ve seen Truly Lovely G (or The Mrs if you prefer) things haven’t been great. We’ve argued & we’ve bickered. And I just don’t like it. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

TLG reassures me that it is only natural that we bicker & argue, but for some one that never argued in their last relationship (yes, that’s correct, no arguments for the 6 & half years I was with He Who Must Not Be Named), it all comes as a bit of a shock.

Perhaps I’m just overreacting & reading more into it than there is. And because she is my first woman, I’m over-analysing things. And now I feel I’ve said too much, yet not said enough either… Oh, I’m so confused!

Anyway, gotta go, Kath & Kim are on in 5. Ya hornbag.

Pink

2006-08-18T20:23:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Ray LaMontagne - Trouble

I know it’s quite a way away still, but I just had to post that I’m going to see Pink. Yah! I booked the tickets ages ago & completely forgot to mention it. So, please note that I’ve now remembered to mention that I’m going to see Pink in concert in October. Hooray!

And why am I mentioning it now, you’re probably asking yourself? Well, I’ve just booked a hotel for our stay in the delightful city that is Birmingham. After having a look at hotels, and finding that a lot are already booked up, I decided to take Travelodge up on their bargain offer of £26 per room per night. I would have much preferred to stay some where like Malmaison (hmm, nice), but I’m afraid that on this occasion my budget just won’t stretch that far. Oh well, I’m sure the Mrs will love the Little Chef breakfast...

She's Trouble

Big Chilled Over & Out

2006-08-13T14:16:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Hed Kandi – The Mix 2006, Twisted Disco Mix

Well, the Big Chill came & went & I think I’ve just about recovered enough to write a little post. My extensive list of things to take was pretty accurate actually, and if I really think about it, there was nothing else I would have taken. Well, apart from a nice clean on-suite with a power shower, but I think it may have been too heavy to carry...

Considering me & the Mrs should have left at 9:00 am Thursday morning, we didn’t do too bad as we finally managed to leave at 2:30 pm! You can blame the argument & the raging hangover for the late departure (her hangover, not mine – I’m too sensible for that). In fact, that pretty much set the tone for the whole festival, we managed to bicker and argue for the majority of the time we were together. But anyway, enough of the domestics, on with the festival itself.

Although we arrived on Thursday, the festival didn’t officially start until the Friday. So, after a quick orientation march round the festival site on the Thursday evening, we were all ready for the first act on Friday (and the first of many struggles up that bloody hill).

The Big Chill Hill: It doesn't look that big, but trust me, it was

Anyway, despite the bickering, the acts we managed to see were as follows:

FRIDAY
Possibly A Hawk & A Hacksaw or The Memory Band (I can’t for the life of me remember who it was, but they was definitely on the Village Green Stage)

A mass wedding in Lost Vagueness’s Chapel of Love & Loathing (the host needed a bit more practice in my opinion…)

José González on the Open Air Stage – Now, I have to confess that I’m not a fan of this bloke, I just don’t get his music or all the fuss about him & I was really hoping his set would change my opinion. But alas it wasn’t meant to be. It was absolutely packed though, so I must be one of the few who just don’t get him. Oh well, answers on a postcard please.

Aim (Open Air Stage straight after my mate José) – I really wanted to see Nizlopi on the Castle Stage (a much better stage in my opinion), but I was out-voted (not for the last time) so we had to stay put & wait. They obviously made a big impact on me because I can’t remember what they were like...

X-Press 2 (Open Air Stage), who were the real reason for not moving from the main stage. They must have been pretty good, because they got most people up off their arses & dancing. I seem to remember that I was a tad drunk though, so perhaps the memory is a little bit hazy.

SATURDAY
Arrested Development (Open Air Stage) – Pretty good actually, and finally one act I wanted to see. Not only did they play the classics, like Mr Wendal & Tennessee, they even did a great cover of Bob Marley’s Songs of Freedom. I think I even commented that I may try & buy a CD, so they must have been good.

Arrested Development - There I am! The one with the pink wrist band!

David McAlmont (Castle Stage) – Perhaps it's cheating by listing him as I didn’t personally see him. The Mrs did make the effort to wander down the hill & see him though. She said she even cried when he did one song (not sure which one), so he must have been pretty good.

Scritti Politti (Castle Stage) – Hmm, well. It was OK, but I wasn’t that impressed. I think they played one song that I vaguely recognised. One question though, why does he sing in such a high voice, when he actually talks a lot deeper?

Blue Man Group (Media Mix Tent) – To be fair we didn’t have a very good view from where we were & had to make do with standing on tiptoes & looking at the big screens. Perhaps if we’d got our act together a bit earlier it would have been better. They looked quite good from what I could see though. One of them did a weird thing with marshmallows in his mouth...

SUNDAY
Rodrigo y Gabriela (Village Green Stage) – Despite what I said to the Mrs, I did really enjoy them (I said I didn't think they were any good...) We’d had another argument, and I was just being difficult for the sake of it! Would definitely like to see them again. And hopefully not be in a strop this time.

Amadou & Mariam (Open Air Stage) – Errm, not sure they were really worthy of the main stage. They spoke a lot of French, non of which I understood. Perhaps they could have swapped with Rodrigo y Gabriela because that crowd was pretty big.

The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain (Open Air Stage) – What can I say?! They were absolutely brilliant! I’m not really sure what I was expecting, but I got a whole lot more than I ever expected! They were basically a ukulele-only orchestra who played covers. Sounds a bit boring? Definitely not. My favourites had to be Blondie’s Picture This, Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit & Shaft. Excellent, excellent.

Bent (Open Air Stage) – To my shame I’ve never heard of Bent, even though most of our group seemed to be big fans. And even though I was in another strop after another argument, I definitely enjoyed them and in a little way they reminded me of Moloko.

Burt Latino & Mavis (Castle Stage) – Again I can’t really remember what this lot did. We only saw them as we were waiting for The Proclaimers.

The Proclaimers (Castle Stage) – Exactly what you’d expect. Not exactly my type of thing, but they were OK, they played all the old favourites & got a lot of people dancing.

Guilty Pleasures (Castle Stage) – Excellent! They played all those cheesy hits from way back. I think they opened with Dolly’s 9 to 5. And what a way to open! They finished with I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing, and of course we all joined in!

So that was who we actually saw, but here is a list of who I would have liked to see (not sure when we would have fitted it in though. What with all the arguing...):

- Nizlopi
- Bugz In The Attic
- Fink
- Eva Abraham
- Pornaoke (not too sure what it was, but it sounded interesting. *nudge, nudege, wink, wink*)
- Norman Jay
- The Heritage Orchestra (the Mrs was saying how good they were)
- Bikini Beach Band
- Lily Allen
- Glenn Tilbrook (I’m absolutely gutted I missed him)
- Martha Wainwright
- The Association of Capoeira Engenho da Rainha
- The Persuassions
- Fat Tuesday – Not to see anyone in particular, just to visit the bar & listen to the tunes
- Finlandia Cocktail Bar – See above.

Hmm, so that was the Big Chill 2006. I have to say that the site was excellent & I couldn’t think of a better place to hold something like that. The toilets weren’t brilliant, but I was assured that they were so much cleaner than Glastonbury. My only request would be for them to be emptied a bit more often. We never ran out of toilet paper though, so that’s a good thing. The showers were also very welcome. I queued for an hour on both Friday & Saturday, and I can only say that it was well worth it (but a few more showers wouldn’t go a miss). Sunday we managed a solar shower, which was also very welcome.

There was an excellent choice of food (despite what my mate José said in The Guardian - he didn't like the food apparently), and it would have been great to try so much more of it, but the cost could have been a little cheaper (just because we’re at a festival there’s no need to take advantage of us ). The bars we visited weren’t too bad either. Considering the amount of people they had to serve, they managed pretty well & only ran out of a few things on Sunday night. I even managed to get drunk so it must have been pretty good!

Big Chill 2006

Every little helps

2006-07-29T14:50:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: See below!

Aren't MP3 players great? Where else can you start in Leeds with CUD - Strange Kind Of Love, travel over the water to the home of Chicago Blues to hear BB King - Help The Poor, pop back over the water to the midlands to The Wonderstuff - Ruby Horse, then time travel back to 1995 to De'Lacy - Hideaway, going via Havana for a bit of Buena Vista Social Club - Candela, and finally make it back to France for Les Rhythmes Digitales - Jacques Your Body? I know I've said it before, but I reckon random all play is an excellent invention.

Anyway, I’ve digressed. I went to stock up on festival provisions last night. Don’t ask why, but at 9:30 pm I decided to go to Tesco (the Mrs was getting battered in the pub at the time). I managed to come back with some noodles, a frisbee, some pikey red wine in a box (it’s 13% alcohol though, so don’t knock it until you’ve tried it), and some cans of sausages & baked beans.

I’m starting to worry about how I’m going to carry it all though. I don’t reckon TLG’s trolley will be able to carry all the provisions, plus the tent, the airbed, the stove (which I still need to buy) & the chairs. At this rate, it looks like we may be making more than one trip from the car to the campsite. I’m just hoping there are no major hills to navigate. Coming from the flat lands of Cambridgeshire, I’m not used to mountain climbing.

Anyway, with the amount of stuff I have lying about my flat, anyone would have thought I’m going away for 5 months, not 5 days! Honestly, there’s Tesco bags, Argos bags, Morrison’s bags everywhere. And I don’t really know what I’ve bought and what I haven’t. All I can say is role on Thursday, when it will be too late to worry about it.

It's that time of year again

Chill Out

2006-07-27T20:38:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Pink – U and Ur Hand

I'm going to a festival. To be more precise, I'm going to The Big Chill. I've never been to a festival before so it's going to be an experience (I'm also going with a bunch of lesbian’s so it'll be an experience in more ways than one). I'm still compiling my extensive list of things to take, so if any one out there has any useful additions, don’t be shy in telling me.

Essentials (or so I reckon):
- Tent
- Torch
- Sleeping bag (I’d much rather take a quilt, but at least I did get a bargain at Argos)
- Pillow
- Air bed (no roll mat for me, I’m doing this in style)
- Toilet paper (I really don’t want to run out of that)
- Toothpaste (to keep my mouth nice and clean and fresh. I might also get a snog from the Mrs…)
- Towel (One of those micro ones. And very useful it is too)
- Dry hand wash (got to keep nice & clean)
- Baby wipes (See above – there are lots of 2-for-1’s at the moment as well)
- Waterproof jacket (I’ve seen a cow-print poncho actually & quite fancy one of those)
- Bottle opener
- Sun cream
- Sunglasses
- Hat
- Insect repellent (don’t want to little buggers getting their teeth into me)
- Earplugs (too right. I really don’t like to be rudely awoken from my beauty sleep)
- Eye mask (see above)
- Fold-up chairs (I just can’t sit on the floor, gives me a bad back)
- Stove (for the full-English in the morning)
- Plates/bowls/cups/cutlery
- Wellies (nice green ones, just hope I won’t have to use them)
- Book (for those quiet moments. I'm currently reading Birds Without Wings)
- Aerobie/Frisbee (I like to throw things around)
- Uno (it's a must)
- Backgammon
- Haribo (for when you get the munchies)

In an ideal world, I'd also like to take the following, but I don't think it's going to happen:
- Gazebo (to keep my delicate skin out of the vicious sun)
- Folding table (for the silver service)
- Cold box (to keep the champagne cold…)

Not really sure how we're going to manage to carry it all, but the Mrs reliably assures me that she has a trolley that will take it all. She's a veteran at festivals you see, having been to Glastonbury on a number of occasions she knows all about it.

I do have one problem though. What alcohol should I drink? Normally I'd drink nice cold white wine, or crisp ice-cold beer, but it's just not going to be possible to keep it cold. I like the idea of Pimm's, but again, how will I keep the lemonade cold? I just wish I drank vodka because that would be so easy, but ever since it got me completely battered as a 16 year old, I've really struggled to drink the darn stuff. I'm leaning towards red wine (pikey boxes I'm afraid) at the moment because at least you don’t need to keep it cold. But, I did have the idea of vodka & Vimto (not the cheeky variety), so think I might give it a go at the weekend.

Is she or isn't she?

2006-07-14T20:57:00.000+01:00

Me and the Mrs have had a disagreement.

She says Amanda Donohoe is gay, I say she isn't.

I said she only thinks that because she once played a gay lawyer in LA Law (Amanda, not the Mrs). She insists she can remember when she came out though, and reckons I should ask an older lesbian because they're bound to know. I don't know any, so answers on a postcard please.

She's lovely

Reasons to be happy

2006-07-13T21:37:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: CUD – Rich & Strange

It’s been such a long long time since I last visited my beloved blog & left a little deposit for you all to enjoy. But do not fret dear readers, I’m still here & I’m now attempting to write my first blog for 3 months.

I guess my complete lack of writing is pretty much down to the fact that I’ve been really happy over the past few months & simply haven’t felt the need to unleash my thoughts on the interweb. I’m still with the Truly Lovely G, and it all seems to be going along swimmingly. In fact, I’d almost go as far to say that I haven’t been this happy in a very very long time.

There have been no great momentous happenings, we’ve just done the usual things that couples do (yes, even female couples). But most of all, Truly Lovely G makes me feel special. From the texts I receive first thing in the morning, to the little inexpensive gifts that have been carefully thought about, it all adds up and makes me feel special, and that is something I haven’t felt in a very long time.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had a few little incidents, especially when we’re both suffering from PMT. Honestly, I never realised how bad women with PMT were. The simplest most innocent things are taken completely the wrong way (and I am guilty of that as well). It’s not until you’re that close to some one that you finally realise how bad PMT can be! (And I’m allowed to say that, I’m a woman!).

The only problem I have with the whole thing is the distance. On a good day she lives 2 hours away, on a bad day (such as a Friday) it’s at least 3 hours away. And however many times I do that journey I’m afraid it just doesn’t get any better. Mind you, the reward at the end is well worth it!

So there you go, there’s a brief history of the past few months. No doubt more will follow as and when. I promise.

She's happy (yes, I quite like her)

Doh!

2006-04-06T21:40:00.000+01:00

Note to self: Try & remember not to say to current love interest that you might decide you’re not gay next week. Trust me, however innocent it sounds in your head, in reality it doesn’t sound that way at all.

Today Truly Lovely G is probably listening to: Will Young - Leave Right Now

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

2006-04-05T21:51:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Kirsty MacColl – In These Shoes

If only I wasn’t tone deaf... This audition could have been my big moment. I could have fulfilled my dream. I could have been Maria!

I can’t deny it; it‘s one of my all time favourite films. I have more memories of watching this film as a child than any other film that was around in my childhood. I remember stomping around the house singing along to my parents scratched but much-loved LP. I fondly remember my 10th birthday when the best present of all was to go to the big smoke to see The Sound Of Music live on stage. Petula Clark played Maria, but in my 10 year old mind I couldn’t work out why Julie Andrews wasn’t there. Perhaps she was off sick, because everyone knows that there is only one person who can really be Maria Von Trapp (well, apart from Maria herself).

I may have only been to Sing-a-Long-a-Sound Of Music twice (I even have my very own Nun's outfit), but such is my liking of the film, that I’ve even managed to do The Sound Of Music sightseeing tour around Saltzburg, and how many people can say they’ve done that?! And you know what? It was great! I can’t tell you how much I wanted sing and dance while walking down those familiar streets, but it just wasn’t meant to be. Oh well. Maybe next time.

Today I am lusting after pink fluffy handcuffs.

Bloody L

2006-03-31T18:35:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Elis Regina – Roda (Taken from the Be Cool Soundtrack)

Now that I’ve been allowed onto the other team, and I’m having a go at batting for them, apparently I’m allowed to watch The L Word. I understand that it comes as part of your membership package (although I am still waiting for my full membership card & I haven’t seen the monthly magazine full of helpful handy tips yet...).

They're clearly fully paid-up members

I’ve never really been that bothered about watching it before, (especially as I don’t have the luxury of Sky or cable), but now I’ve been lent the DVD box set of the first season (that’s very American, isn’t it? We’d say first series) and I’m allowed to watch it.

Obviously, being a new member, I’m lagging behind a bit (I think in the UK we’ve finished Season 2?), but bugger me it’s good. I was completely hooked after watching the extra long pilot episode! Not only are there lots of sexy women to ogle over, but there’s also a story to it as well! Honestly, it’s not all about gratuitous scenes of women kissing & getting it on.

On a certain dating website I’ve been known to frequent, Shane appears to be a clear favourite of many, but even though I felt so sorry for her in the last episode of the series, she’s not my favourite. My favourite has to be the lovely Dana (although don’t tell Truly Lovely G, she might get a bit jealous).

Today I'm lusting after Channel 4 showing The L Word

Wilma's Children reunited

2006-03-21T19:46:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Markus Nikolai - Bushes (Norman Cook Club Remix)

I’ve had a busy weekend this past weekend. To start off with I was going to a much looked forward to reunion of Wilma’s children (see this classic post for something of an explanation.), and I also decided to make a last minute trip to see Truly Lovely G. It’s a shame you don’t get Air Miles for all the miles I’ve driven recently, but then I suppose you’d have to call them Road Miles, and what rewards would you get for that? Cover 5,000 miles & you receive a 5% discount voucher at Aldi. Not that there’s anything wrong with Aldi of course...

Perhaps the extra mileage was starting to take its toll after all

So straight after work on Friday I made the long winding journey to Truly Lovely G’s. It was great to see her again, but bugger that journey was a real pain, especially on a Friday in rush hour. I managed to calm myself down from all the road rage after a couple of hours, which meant it was finally time to meet the friends (who were apparently dieing to meet me). I’m not too sure why, but I’d been putting it off. I don’t know why, perhaps by meeting the friends it means it’s getting a bit serious.

After a quick introduction & a quick drink (alcoholic of course) we went off to another gay bar, where a rather interesting-looking transvestite invited us in. The friends seem to like me, which can only be a good sign. So all in all, it was a pretty successful night and worth sitting in all that traffic. So in my short career of being gay, that’s two gay bars I’ve been to now. And do you know what? I think I actually quite like them.

But anyway, onto Wilma’s reunion. Whilst being evacuated we’d all spoken about getting together again for some kind of a reunion, and we finally managed it last weekend. And what better place to hold a reunion than in a pub?! It was so good to see these people again, and even though conversation was a bit stilted at first, after a few quick rounds, the conversation started to flow like it used to back in those windy days of October 2005. I’m glad to say that people hadn’t really changed & the characters that kept us laughing through the difficult times were still there & making us laugh again.

During the hurricane we never really spoke about what scared us the most, I think we all wanted to be strong for each other, but sitting round a large table with an alcoholic drink in your hand, it was interesting to see that we were all quite open about it & we happened to be scared at exactly the same times; When the boards came down from the windows & when the looters were on the prowl. But despite the scary moments, there were a lot of funny moments as well, and I’m happy to say that those were what we mainly spoke & joked about.

And talking of my dear friend Wilma, I guess I really should continue the hurricane story.

Bossy boots

2006-03-10T13:50:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: The Zutons – Why Won’t You Give Me Your Love

I'm not really known as a bossy person, but lately I’ve noticed that I’m definitely becoming bossier. I’m not quite sure if this is a good or a bad thing. With certain people I can definitely get away with being quite bossy, but with others they simply won’t stand for it. I don’t know where the bossiness has come from, but it’s definitely there in some form or other.

Take last Friday for example. On my second date with Truly Lovely G, we stopped off at the local takeaway after the lights were turned off in the pub (it was way after closing time after all). Truly Lovely G ordered a cheeseburger with ketchup & mayo, which in my opinion is just wrong, but there you go. She was politely told that they’d run out of burgers & would she like something else instead (how can a takeaway run out of burgers on a Friday night?!). I ordered a chicken burger & mayo, which, in my opinion, is a much better use of mayo. After at least 10 seconds of Truly Lovely G not making her mind up, I took control & demanded another chicken burger & mayo (definitely no ketchup). Despite the amount of alcohol consumed, she looked quite stunned at my demanding tone. I myself wondered where it had come from.

But now that I think about it, perhaps I can just get away with being bossy with Truly Lovely G. This morning for example, I knew she had a hangover & when I spoke to her on the phone, I took control once again. "Right" I instructed "Go to the toilet, feed the cats, drink some water, have some breakfast & have a shower". I think I heard her murmur "Why are you being so bossy?" as I put the phone down. But I’m probably mistaken.

But before you start thinking I’m changing my ways & becoming a right bossy little madam, my bossiness is nothing compared to what I’ve experienced in Truly Lovely G's bedroom... *walks away coyly smiling to self*

Double Date

2006-03-02T19:02:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Alicia Keys – If I Was Your Woman/Walk On By

Well, things didn’t quite work out as expected. The big date on 18 February didn’t happen just as I feared (I told you I was psychotic, oops psychic) and I really started to wonder whether I would actually get to meet Truly Lovely G. But as you may have noticed, I’m not in floods of tears and there’s no wailing, flailing or gnashing of teeth.

I’m more than happy to announce that the date did happen. It was a bit later than originally planned, but it did happen. And it actually went pretty well, thanks for asking. In fact, it went so well that we’re having another date this weekend.

After what seemed like too many months of chatting on the phone & MSN, I have to say that it actually felt quite strange to finally meet Truly Lovely G. It was like I knew this person, yet I was going through the palaver of meeting them for the first time. So in an effort to get over all the shyness & nervousness (mainly on my part, it has to be said), we retired to the local pub for calming drink (her suggestion). But perhaps I shouldn’t really use the word "calming"...

I’ve always been known as a quick drinker, and by the time Truly Lovely G had taken two sips of her drink, I’d as good as finished mine, which was perhaps a bit of a bad omen for things to come (bearing in mind that I hadn’t eaten since lunch time & it was now 10:30 pm). But despite my penchant for getting too drunk too quickly (I always said I was a cheap date), our conversation soon warmed up and we ended up chatting like we usually did on the phone. All was going well.

We made it to the end of the night, or at least to when the landlady decided she’d had enough of serving us drinks, and we left the pub to make the short stagger back to Truly Lovely G's bachelorette pad. No sooner had I made my way out of the confusing two-door-nasty-step configuration, (also known as the front entrance to the pub) than I ended up flat on my back in the middle of the road. I can’t have taken more than 5 steps on the perfectly flat, non-hazardous pavement when I some how managed to fall over absolutely nothing & completely embarrass myself in front of some one I was obviously trying to impress.

If it had been as rough as this, I could understand the trip...

I was actually quite happy lying on my back in the middle of the road, and if I’m honest, I could quite easily have stayed there for a while (or at least until the road stopped moving beneath me). But in an effort to deny that it had actually happened, I eagerly jumped up & declared that I was absolutely fine and not in any pain what-so-ever. No siree. A few short steps down the road & it became apparent that actually, I was in a bit of pain, and after closer inspection I’d managed to cut my knee, but mysteriously, I hadn’t ripped my jeans.

So that was my stunning introduction.

I’m happy to report that things drastically improved after that and some how my unscheduled trip didn’t appear to put Truly Lovely G off at all. Saturday arrived and we pretty much spent the entire day in bed. We drank tea & champagne, ate pizza & watched the rugby (even though England lost, could this have been my ideal day?!) before creeping out of the house at 10:00pm to wander to the local gay bar (my first experience – and despite my initial misgivings, it wasn’t actually that scary – but that’s another story completely).

So as you can see, it was a pretty successful date and we’ve made plans to do it all again this weekend! Shame England aren’t playing...

Am I bothered?

2006-02-05T13:15:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Foo Fighters - DOA

I just knew it. Call me psychotic, oops I mean psychic, but I had this feeling it was going to be cancelled. And I was right. My hot date was cancelled. OK, OK, I know the Truly Lovely G has a very valid reason. I mean, you can’t exactly argue with the flu, but I’m still annoyed that it had to be cancelled. So, the wait is on again. Until 18 February. And let me tell you now, if it’s cancelled again, I am so not going to be impressed!

Oh, bugger

Oh, and before I depart to stress over my cancelled date, I just thought I’d mention that my blog is actually one year old today! Who would have thought from those humble beginnings, that I actually managed to make it this far?! So, cheer’s to one and all, here’s to another happy year blogging!

Foursome's

2006-01-19T18:49:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Rod Stewart & the Faces - Stay With Me (it was in some film I watched the other night. Can't for the life of me remember what it was though)

OK, no one’s tagged me, but I’ll openly admit I’m a sucker for this type of thing. I’m also not too proud to own up to the fact that I stole it from a couple of other blogs I’ve recently read!

Four jobs you’ve had in your life
- Paper girl
- Pizza waitress
- Mushroom picker (I only lasted one day & I’ve always hated mushrooms)
- Check-out chick

Four movies you could watch over & over
In my opinion they are all classics ;-)
- The Sound of Music
- Amelie
- Legally Blonde (1 or 2, I’m not fussed)
- Some Like It Hot

Well, it has been a while since we last had a Marilyn pic

Four places you have lived
I’m going to sound a bit boring here... I can’t manage four, well, not unless you want individual addresses
- Cambridgeshire
- Humberside (or whatever they’re calling it this week)

Four of your favourite foods
- Chicken tikka dhansak (the one He Who Must Not Be Named used to cook really was the best)
- My Mum’s rib of roast beef (even better if it’s been slow cooked on the BBQ)
- My Mum’s Ile flotant
- Cadbury's Dairy Milk

Four TV shows you love to watch
- Desperate Housewives
- Spooks
- Hustle (Mmm, Jaime Murray)
- Sex and the City

Four places you’ve been on vacation
- Koh Samet
- Cancun!
- Sydney
- Firenze

Four places you would rather be right now
Just four? Can’t I list more?
- On a beach (not Skeggie, one of those nice tropical looking ones)
- In a big comfy bed (guess who with)
- Hawaii (I’d quite like to see that Volcano as well)
- New Zealand (Tri-Nations time would be good)

Four websites you visit daily
Slightly boring perhaps, but at least they’re all true
- BBC Sport
- BBC News
- Yahoo e-mail
- A few blogs

Four albums you can’t live without
Oh, this is a difficult one. My selection is changing all the time (thank God for the random all-play option on my Creative Zen Sleek)
- BB King – Live At The Regal
- Razorlight – Up All Night
- The Seahorses – Do It Yourself
- Kings Of Leon – Youth and Young Manhood

I've gone & done it

2006-01-17T21:12:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Sneaker Pimps – Spin Spin Sugar

Well, not it (still got that pleasure to come), but I’ve gone and got myself a date with the Truly Lovely G (and she is lovely). To say I’m happy is an understatement! I’ve just got to chill my boots until 4 February. That’s all. God, I hope she doesn’t cancel on me, because you know I'll be a nightmare if she does.

Woo Hoo! Let's celebrate!

It’s time to come clean

2006-01-07T18:28:00.000Z

On my new Creative Zen Sleek, I am mostly listening to: Travis - Happy (I just love the random all play option!)

Firstly, happy New Year and all that other stuff. Finally the excesses of the festive season are over and it’s back to some kind of normality. Well, for all you normal people out there it is.

I’ve been extremely slack with the old blogging recently and after having a quick browse through my beloved ramblings, I realise that I still have a post on the front page from August 2005 (although it might not be there after I’ve posted this!). And as I know every one is desperate to read my Wilma experiences, I do have a bit more of the story to post, although the full memoir still isn’t quite complete. I have to say that it is proving much harder than expected to get it all written down. But anyway. Onto the real reason for the post.

I originally started this post back in November, but never got round to fully completing or posting it. As some form of explanation, my Wilma experience appears to have given me a new lust for life (and that’s probably why I haven’t posted for a while). I’m not sure when, or even why, but it dawned on me that I appeared to have stopped living. And I subconsciously appear to have made the decision that I want to start again. And that’s what I’ve been doing!

I can honestly say that since the new year I have been drunk (or at least tipsy) every night. Whether that’s with friends down the pub or a (supposedly) quiet night in, I have had alcohol of some form every night. I’m not bragging or anything, it’s just a statement of fact. I now actually want to go out, as opposed to just saying the words but not really meaning them.

I also appear to have changed in others ways. Whereas before I used to be quite contented to take a back seat & listen to other people’s opinions, I now want my voice to be heard & to be heard loudly. Yeh, I’ve been told I’ve changed & I’m being weird, but this is from people who’ve only ever known the quiet reserved tEC tONiK. The real me is now out there with a vengeance!

So this brings me on to another revelation, and the fact that my windy experiences have led me to question a few things, and instead of letting the thoughts run wild through my mind, I think I just about feel brave enough to write them down for the world to see.

1. My obsession is a girl.
Yep, that’s right, I’ve gone and admitted it now. I fancy a chick. Now trust me, it came as a bit of a surprise to me as well. For some one who’d only ever been with guys to suddenly have these feelings for some one of the same sex was a bit of a strange thing to try and get my head around. But it doesn’t stop there, these feelings lead me onto another question...

2. Does fancying one girl make you gay?
This thought has run through my mind quite often. Since I first started this post, my obsession with the above mentioned has dimmed somewhat. I mean, I still like them & all that, just not to the point of obsession! Right now however, I can categorically say that I don’t feel attracted to any guys (and haven’t done for a while). Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate if a guy is good-looking or not, but I’m more likely to be interested in the chick standing next to him. So, although I now look at chicks with different eyes, I’m still not sure if I am truly gay. (Yeh, I do know the argument that says if you are gay, you’ll definitely know, but being a librarian, sorry Libran, I like to weigh things up completely before making a decision...). So bear with me, it’s time for another question...

3. Can you "think" yourself gay?
Not completely sure how to explain this one. But here’s a starter for ten; can you think about being gay so much that you eventually believe you are gay? Can you obsess about it so much that you manage to convince yourself you are gay? Can you concentrate on chicks so much, that you just don’t notice guys any more, and by default you’re only attracted to chicks? My answer is I don’t know. OK, time for another revelation – I think about girls and stuff all the time. Which makes me genuinely think I am gay. Maybe.

Did some one call for a cleaner?

Not to dwell too long on the above random thoughts, I’ve met two chicks in an effort to confirm my gayness! I could tell you what I think my ideal chick would be, but I’m not going to. Let’s just say I’m not a big fan of hairy armpits & short hair. It’s not really a case of choosing one or the other, and I’m not going to go into too much detail, but both have their benefits (even if they are slightly different). Here is a very brief outline:

My first choice (BTW, this is not in preferential order), who for arguments sake we’ll call Screaming N, is the biggest flirt I have ever met (male or female). There just seems to be some kind of red-hot sexual connection between us. However, I get the distinct impression that she’s quite possibly as thick as two, no, three very short planks. I don’t want to sound cruel, but that’s the impression I get, and to be fair I’ve always gone for people who have a small bit substance between their ears. Despite that, you just can’t deny the sexual tension between us, and as the majority of people know, it’s fairly important when fancying some one.

The second contender, who we’ll call Truly Lovely G, is slightly different to Screaming N. We clearly have a mental connection, appear to be on the same wavelength, and well, I do actually quite fancy her. She clearly has a bit more substance to her, so I’m just wondering how bright the sexual spark will be.

So that’s the current state of the nation and it looks like even in the pink world, finding love (or something close to it) is not an easy task!

After all that, I appear to have got a headache from concentrating so hard. Must be about time for an ice cold beer!

Today I am lusting after things I could not possibly mention on here!

Decisions, Decisions (and a little wish list too)

2005-12-08T13:57:00.000Z

Today I am mostly listening to: Feist – Mushaboom

I just can’t make decisions at the moment. Don’t know why, but that’s the way it is. I must also announce to the world that I don’t feel the least bit Christmassy (is that a real word?), and as far as I’m concerned it could actually be 8 October or 8 March. I actually went shopping last night in an effort to start buying some presents, and all I ended up buying was a load of alcohol just for my consumption (I’m really looking forward to the Cheeky Vimto’s). I also managed to buy some pink fluffy fairy lights – not for my new Tesco Value Christmas tree, but for my new boudoir. Oh and just for the record, I appear to have become all girly since returning from Mexico, which I think is good, isn’t it?

Anyway, onto my current objects of desire:

1. MP3 player

2. Xbox – the old one, not the new one

3. Mr & Mrs Smith DVD – Don’t like the ending, but Brad & Ange make such a good couple.

I can’t make up my mind about the MP3 player. It’s currently a choice between the Creative Zen and the Creative Zen Sleek. I know the iPod looks great, but I’ve rejected it for a number of reasons: Firstly, you can only play mp3 format music on it, it doesn’t allow you to play wma format, which are smaller in size. Secondly, the battery life is pants. And thirdly, they’re more expensive. So, any opinions would be welcome.

I already own a Playstation 1, and would like to upgrade now. PS2 has been rejected as my games console correspondent assures me that the Xbox is much better. I’m not into online gaming, so the Xbox 360 is out of the question. Oh, and the 2 year waiting list & high price doesn’t appeal to me either. As long as I can play Dance Mat & Crash Bandicoot, I’ll be happy.

Anyway, the remainder if the hurricane story is on its way. I promise.

Take That and party

2005-12-02T13:57:00.000Z

Woo Hoo! I got tickets, I got tickets! (And it only took me 20 mins)

Oh yeh, the hurricane story will continue. Honestly. Just haven't got much internet access at the moment.

Whatever happened to Wilma's children?

2005-11-08T17:51:00.000Z

(Taken from Atomic Rosie’s CNN report – imitation, of course. She’s not really a CNN reporter stupid...)

As promised, here is the long awaited post. There are a couple of reasons for the long absence. Firstly, I haven’t had much to talk about (ha, if you believe that you’ll believe anything!) and secondly but perhaps more importantly, I’ve been on holiday. To Mexico. To Cancun. For those that have been hiding in a coal shed for the past few weeks, Hurricane Wilma hit Cancun.

We’d managed to complete 9 out of our 14-day holiday before things started to change. The first part of the long-awaited holiday was spent simply winding down and getting out of that work mode. Copious amounts of tequila were drunk in various different disguises, and we only had to drag our sorry arses down two flights of stairs to reach the beach. What more could we ask for?!

First Indication (a.k.a. the denial)

The first inkling we had that a hurricane would hit was on Monday 17 October, when on their departure, some fellow tequila addicts departed with “Enjoy the rest of your holiday. And the hurricane...” A quick check on the internet showed that Tropical Storm Wilma was brewing in the Gulf of Mexico, but didn’t look as if it would really hit Cancun.

Fast forward to a hot and muggy, but overcast Wednesday 19 October, and after returning to the beach from a late (and partially liquid) lunch, all the cushions were being removed from the bed chairs. Strange, we thought, and after a brief discussion we came to the conclusion that they were being removed so that they wouldn’t get damaged in the approaching tropical storm.

As the weather didn’t appear to be improving, and there was no blue sky peeking through the clouds, we retired to bar for a friendly game of Scrabble and a couple of cocktails (the tequila variety of course). Whilst deep in thought over the letters K G V O P S C, our attention was diverted to the friendly hotel staff carrying assorted mattresses to the front of the hotel, where after a quick investigation, we found they were being loaded on to the hotel bus. Even stranger, we thought, perhaps they’re being protected from the storm as well?

First Realisation (a.k.a. this could be quite serious, but probably isn’t)

That evening, with the wind continuously picking up, but still staying surprisingly muggy, the entertainment team carried on with their scheduled production (don’t ask – it was the “Broadway Show” and involved a lot of dancing & some very bad miming). After the production was cut short it was broadcast that the Mexican Government had decreed that all bars in Cancun would shut at 10 pm. We were then advised to go back to our rooms, pack a bag with enough clothes for one day (yes, that’s ONE DAY), and to pack all our remaining belongings into a suitcase and stand it in the shower just in case we were to be evacuated (yes, that’s JUST IN CASE WE WERE TO BE EVACUATED).

Soon after returning to our third floor hotel room, the heavens opened, the wind picked up again, and we were glad we’d already finished our cocktails and weren’t left stranded at the increasingly wet bar. After a bit of nervous giggling and lots of “I’m sure we won’t be evacuated”, the suitcases were packed and lifted into the shower, and bags were prepared for an overnight stay. You should note that by this stage the weather was pretty grim even by British standards. The wind was howling and there was just so much rain. We actually thought the Tropical Storm had come early.

Perhaps it is serious after all (a.k.a. Arrgh! We’re being evacuated!)

After a sleepless night, Thursday 20 October finally dawned. We surfaced at around 6:30 am and went straight to the hotel reception to find a little piece of A4 paper telling us that Tropical Storm Wilma had been upgraded to Hurricane Wilma, and we were to come to the reception area at 8:30 am, where we would be evacuated to a storm shelter 20 k inland. Thoughts of “Oh shit. Maybe it is a bit more serious than we thought” raced through my mind...

Arriving at reception at the allotted time, we loitered by the front door trying to take in the scene (lots of loud, bustling, nervous looking Brits). Realising that this should be something to record for prosperity, I managed to get a video clip of a nervous looking Atomic Rosie describing what was happening, ending with the immortal line "I feel sick and need a poo".

Eventually the buses turned up, and through the pouring rain we were herded, bags and all, onto one of the many buses (after a quick smile at the CNN camera man of course - he was real). After a short trip inland (that definitely didn’t feel like 20k), we were dropped off at a school that was going be our home for at least one night (yes, we still believed that). After joining a rather slow-moving queue and we were allocated somewhere to sleep in room number 7. In a bid to lighten the moment, I sat down on my mattress and announced to the whole room that I felt like I was in Tenko. The only response was a little laugh from Atomic Rosie, but because no one else spoke, I surmised they were perhaps taking it a bit more seriously than me.

It should perhaps be noted that at this time, the weather was remarkably calm considering what we’d just left behind at the coast. It simply looked like a normal overcast day, with a nice cooling breeze. However, it was clearly the calm before the storm.

The lagoon - Calm before the storm

To be continued... There's so much to write about & if I was to write if all in one go, you would have given up by now. By doing it this way, it's building the suspense... Honestly!

Normal service will resume very shortly

2005-10-31T11:47:00.000Z

This is just a quick message to all my dedicated readers to let you all know that normal blogging service will resume very shortly. I have been on holiday, and due to circumstances beyond my control, it was extended some what! Don't worry, full details & photo's will follow shortly!

Who are you?

2005-09-14T19:41:00.000+01:00

Not sure if this is good or bad...

Actually, the last time I checked I was a chick, so perhaps it is bad...

So wrong

2005-09-01T19:23:00.000+01:00

So wrong, that they're just so right... chips & curry sauce. My tea. And they were great.

Mmm...

A few things to do before it’s too late

2005-08-25T17:26:00.000+01:00

I’m now in a much happier place than I was when I started this list. The idea was to try & escape the dark clouds that were beginning to surround me by thinking of a few things to inspire & lift the soul. The thing is, even though things are a bit brighter at the moment, I appear to have lost my creativity mojo because the list really isn’t that imaginative!

Please note, NOT in order of preference!

1. Learn to ride a motorbike (just think, motor cycle courier could be my perfect job – seeing as I still don’t know what my perfect job would be)

2. Get married in Vegas by Elvis

I declare thee husband & wife...

3. Have a lesbian affair (Why not try something different? Just think, you could live on that memory for decades...)

4. Be there in person when England win the World Cup again (Like they did in 2003).

5. Stay in your hotel room for a whole day & night and just live off room service & giggles (John & Yoko anyone?)

6. Get drunk on nothing but champagne (it’s just gotta be done hasn’t it? And weddings when you’re 13 don’t count)

7. Be famous for at least one thing (I could cope with seeing my name up in lights!)

8. Drive a really fast car really fast round a race track (I like driving fast, I just don’t get a legal opportunity to do it)

9. Write a best-selling novel (yep, still waiting for the best selling idea).

10. Have enough money to do all of the above!

Can’t think of many more at the moment, but perhaps I should also add that it would be nice to get together with my obsession (yes, I'm still obsessing)

Today I am mostly listening to: Kings of Leon – Happy Alone (I am really loving Youth & Young Manhood right now)

Today I am lusting after something to do over the bank holiday weekend – I don’t want to stay at home & stew in my own juices. Oh, and a sense of humour just like Catherine Tate’s would be quite nice as well

Disappointment

2005-08-21T12:03:00.000+01:00

Two things have disappointed me this week. Firstly, I’ve just found out that Dumbledore has died (I actually cried...)

And secondly, I found out that Giacomo Casanova actually speaks with a Scottish accent. Well, that’s to say that the actor who plays him speaks with a Scottish accent. But before I get a sudden influx of abusive e-mails, I have absolutely nothing against Scots, I just thought David Tennant’s accent was rather good in Casanova, and I feel somewhat cheated that he doesn’t speak like that in real life. That’s all.

Oh yeh, I’m still obsessed, just trying my best not to go on about it all the time.

Mind me caber

Today I am mostly listening to: Kings of Leon - The Bucket

Something else that made me laugh

2005-08-19T10:40:00.000+01:00

Yes, really.

"I don't kiss and tell, I shag and shout!"

Bernie the nurse, The Catherine Tate Show, BBC 2, Thursday 18 August 2005.

Obsession – The evolution continues

2005-08-17T18:07:00.000+01:00

It’s doing my head in! I thought by writing things down it would have some kind of cathartic effect and I’d feel immensely better for getting it all off my heaving chest. But that hasn’t happened. Mind you, at least I’m sleeping a bit better, but that’s probably more due to the fact that I worry about my obsession all day, so that when I do eventually go to bed I’m completely knackered!

It's starting to get to me now

I decided to go for a walk last night to try and clear my head. (I didn’t take my imaginary dog, but perhaps I should have done; he’s a great listener you know and always comes up with really good suggestions). I thought it might be a good idea to get beyond the increasingly depressive four walls of my flat, and get out in the open air in a bid to clear (or at least arrange) my confused thoughts.

In principle it was a good idea. In practice it didn’t quite work out like that. Within 5 minutes of determined walking I was dreaming up the perfect "how we got together" situation. And the winning scenario was really quite good. Especially as it involved a bit of revenge on He Who Must Not Be Named.

But I digress. I didn’t manage to arrange my thoughts in perfect order, but I was able to question myself on my true intentions, and the result is that yes, I most probably am obsessed, but my intentions are completely honourable (well, mostly) and I have a genuine liking of the person in question. I’m now pretty damn sure it’s not a flash in the pan!

The question is, how do you progress from the "thinking" stage to the "doing" stage?! (By the way, did I mention that I won’t be able to see my obsession until the end of September? Ho Hum).

Today I am mostly listening to: Kaiser Chiefs – I predict a riot

This week I am lusting after chronologically arranged thoughts (you know the ones; they’re the ones that make perfect sense & stop you worrying yourself stupid!).

Am I obsessed?

2005-08-15T17:58:00.000+01:00

Warning! Long & rambling post!

A while ago I met some one (no, not him who buggered off back over the water – this is some one else who, for various reasons, I decided not to write about). As soon as I met this person, I knew I liked them. This person had one of those magnetic personalities and an absolutely cracking sense of humour, and even though we’d never met before, I just knew we’d get on. And get on we did!

We were part of a small group, the majority of which came from various parts of the world, and to add to the mix, half of us had never met before. I’m happy to say that it was one of those occasions in life where every one got on with each other, almost as if we’d known each other for years. As much as I liked everyone in our little group, I knew I liked this one person a little bit more than the others. It was just a case of deciding whether it was the friendship kind of like or the fancy kind of like.

At the time it was definitely the friendship kind of like, with a hint of this could possibly be the fancy kind of like, and I actually thought the feelings might be reciprocated, but due to circumstances, and the fact I could have read the situation completely wrongly, I thought it best not to make any kind of move (after all, who wants to look like a fool?!). On returning home we sent a few e-mails & texts but then it kind of just died away. After which point, I just presumed I’d read more into it than there actually was – after all, we’d only met for a few days and due to the complete lack of action in my love life I’d obviously read the whole situation wrong! (Mind you, it didn’t stop me having the odd daydream!).

Obsessed, moi?

Fast forward to this weekend and out of the blue I had a missed call from this person. Strange, I thought to myself, I wonder why they’re calling me. With them being an honorary Londoner, one of my first thoughts was that there had been more bombs (but why phone me?!). After returning the call & only receiving an engaged tone, I sent a light hearted non-committal text message. Within 20 minutes my phone was ringing and I’m trying to hold a conversation whilst driving my car (sorry officer). Due to the ambient sounds of London street life and the roaring engine of my diesel car, it was quite difficult to hear everything that was being said, but I think I got the gist of the rather one sided conversation.

I don’t really want to go into the full details of the conversation, but suffice to say, it was a conversation I wouldn’t expect to have with some one who’s just a friend. The problem was, as soon as I parked my car and made it into my flat (where I could concentrate on what was really being said), the conversation was cut short with a "...anyway, gotta go. I’ll speak to you in the week". Hmm... not what I wanted or expected to hear.

Now, let’s get down to why I think I might be obsessed. In my usual way, after the e-mails & texts dried up, I pushed all thought of this person from my mind & simply refused to entertain the idea that there might be more to it than the usual. But now all it has taken is one slightly bizarre (and I’ve since found out) drunken conversation, and all I can now think about is this person. I struggled to get to sleep last night and when something woke me up 4:45 this morning, I was unable to get back to sleep again until 5 minutes before my 7am alarm went off. And whilst sitting here writing this my stomach keeps doing those little flippy things just at the mere thought or mention of this person (and I’m sure I keep going red because some how people can read all these thoughts in my head!).

To add to this happy little concoction, when I missed the phone call, I just happened to be on a date with some one I’d met from my online dating debacle. Now, just picture the scene; I’m on a date but I’m more excited about a phone call I’ve MISSED than I am about the bloke I’m with... There must be something wrong there! (To keep you updated, he’s a tall and lanky rower, but he sure ain’t James Cracknell! – Oh, James Cracknell, you just would wouldn’t you?!).

So, after all that, the only conclusion I can come to is that yes, I am obsessed. Either that or I’m just down right weird!

Today I am mostly listening to: Christina Aguilera – Dirty

Just how much does it really cost to fall in love?

2005-08-12T10:12:00.000+01:00

Whilst perusing the latest news stories over a cup of tea this morning, I came across this little piece of enlightenment.

According to a recent survey, the average Brit spends over £38,000 during their lifetime in a bid to find love! (I think I’d better get saving). But the worrying thing is that should you find yourself in a meaningful relationship, it’s more than likely to end within 12 months... Oh dear.

Today I am mostly listening to: Kings of Leon - Joe's Head

Fact of the day

2005-08-06T15:56:00.000+01:00

Apparently (in Herbie) Disney executives decided that Lindsay Lohan’s breasts were too big for family audiences and ordered them to be digitally reduced by two cup sizes...

"Careful what you're doing with that"

Ich bin Englisch

2005-07-27T21:20:00.000+01:00

It’s no secret that I’ve dabbled in the world of online dating, and to be fair it hasn’t been that successful yet. However, I will persevere and may some day visit Innocent over at his stomping ground in an effort to entice some more unsuspecting men. I’m also pleased to report that I’ve received another e-mail in response to my carefully created profile. This time it’s from a tractor enthusiast! How lucky am I?! But before I continue any further, the online dating game is not the purpose of this post.

To regular readers (is there more than one?!) it will be no secret that I’m currently enjoying the single life after 6 years out of the game. The rules are slowly coming back to me, but I’m clearly still at the beginners level and I can only improve from here.

Now, life in all its wisdom has thrown me one of those curve-ball thingies that come along every now and then. I’ve actually met some one who I think is OK and who I think I could quite like. We have a little bit in common, and more importantly he’s a younger man (I’ve always wanted to try one of those out).

But before you get carried away, there are just a few minor bumps along the road to happiness. When I met him he only had 2 weeks left before he had to go back home (he’s not from this fair and pleasant land that we call England). The two weeks are now up and he’s buggered off back to where he came from.

Is this the road to happiness or just a dead end?

Neither of us made any kind of enduring statement on departure. After all, we’d only known each other for a couple of weeks; we were just having a laugh. He was completely battered; I was stone cold sober, so I’m not sure what sort of conversation it would have been anyway!

The problem now is that I think I actually quite like him. Is it just my mind playing tricks, or is there something more serious lurking in the background? Do I want him just because I can’t have him?! Who can tell, certainly not me (it’s my mind after all).

I’ve never been one to make rash decisions, so I think it’s going to be a case of sitting this one out until the storm is over. I can contact him, so I’ll just have to wait and see what happens. It’s not as if I’m going to give up my job to go and live in a country where I don’t speak the language purely based on a two-week friendship... Mind you, that sounds like a good idea for an unscheduled adventure... Passport anyone?

Now I’ve got that off my chest, perhaps I can finish that bloody Sudoku that’s been bugging me for the past few days!

Today I am mostly listening to: John Legend - Used to love U

Edited highlights of my day (25 July 05)

2005-07-25T20:15:00.000+01:00

Smiley Bus Stop Man had an umbrella and wasn't wearing shorts this morning.
I got my 'Cloudy Day' parking spot at work.
There was a nasty smell in the office and I was convinced The Cruncher had farted or simply just smelt.
I had a ham & mustard roll for lunch (wholemeal roll, proper French mustard from French France).
I didn't manage to complete The Guardian's medium Sudoku from Friday 22 July.

Yes, my day was rather boring

Today I am mostly listening to: New Seekers - I'd like to teach the world to sing (Yes, I am in a rather strange mood again, and no, I haven't taken my imaginary dog for a walk this evening - it's raining.)

Just beat it

2005-07-22T10:21:00.000+01:00

With all this talk of more bombings, this story brought a small smile to my face on an otherwise dreary day (it's raining here).

Today I am mostly listening to: Nina Simone - I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl

Sunny spells

2005-07-19T10:54:00.000+01:00

Yesterday was a reasonably good day by my standards. The best part being that I played tennis for the first time in approximately 9 years. And I won 6 – 2.

The sun was right in my eyes and it was too windy, but I still had a great time. My serve still worked and once warmed up, the forehand was back to normal. I even managed a few volleys. It may have been boring by other peoples standards, but I enjoyed it! I just hope it won’t be another 9 years before I play again.

That’s it. No other major update to report of.

A virgin entry to the online dating game

2005-07-16T17:57:00.000+01:00

After a bit of persuasion from dear old Innocent, I finally decided to take the plunge and enter the murky world of online dating. Despite the drought in my love life, there was a bit of resistance on my part. For some reason, I had the idea that it just shouted of desperation and I didn’t think I’d reached that stage yet (sorry to all the people I’ve just offended!). But thanks to a bit of cajoling from Innocent, and also hearing about his happy experiences, I thought what the hell I’ve got nothing to lose, it sounds like a laugh, and I’m sure worse things have happened at sea (sea-sickness, ice burgs, mutiny’s...).

So after carefully choosing which website would be the lucky recipient of my profile, I just had to write the darn thing. Now, I found this no easy task. How can you say in a minimum of 20 words that you’re actually quite nice and not some desperate bunny-boiling sex-depraved freak?!

With the profile agonisingly written, the next step was to select a photo that hid the multiple chins, yet also made me look stunningly beautiful. I don’t really have that many photos to choose from. I actually prefer to take pictures rather than pose for them. But despite this I managed to narrow it down to two photos (admittedly I only had around 5 worthy ones to choose from). So there was no other option but to post both photos to my profile and sit back and wait for all the emails to flood in.

Note to self: Try to see photo before agreeing to blinde date.

This did not happen as expected. My profile had been live for less than 24 hours (my photo’s hadn’t even been approved), when I received my first response. Getting all excited, I eagerly opened the email to discover that it was from a 51 year old who lived in my home town. Ok, I thought to myself, even though he’s way out of my preferred age range don’t reject him straight away, he could be a George Clooney/Pierce Brosnan type of a guy.

No. He was neither. Not even close. Not wanting or meaning to cause offence to anyone, he was a vastly obese ginger-haired computer geek, who I soon discovered was also quite desperate. A week later he sent another email introducing himself again. Not being completely heartless I sent a thanks but no thanks email.

Unfortunately things don’t seem to have improved much beyond that. I’ve had two further emails, which haven’t exactly rocked my world – One from a male nurse (am I the right orientation for this guy, or do I just look slightly masculine?!) and one from a lonely widower (can I really cope with this guys emotional baggage as well as my own?! I only want a bit of fun after all).

So, it looks like it’s back to the drawing board with the profile (any helpful hints on writing a stunning profile would be greatly appreciated!). Either that or I just unleash my profile on another website... Or just give up completely...

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Today I am mostly listening to: John Legend - Lets get lifted

Today I am really lusting after some iced lemon Earl Grey tea. Does anyone know where I can get some?!

The post that was actually quite serious

2005-07-11T20:09:00.000+01:00

Once again it’s been long time since my last post & let’s face it, quite a lot has happened in the past week. I had all these wonderful ideas whirling round my head and as soon as I got chance I planned to write them down in some coherent form & post them here. But on Thursday last week all that changed & everything I’d been thinking of seemed pointless & just thoughts that I’d better keep to myself.

To the best of my knowledge, I don’t know anyone that was involved in the events of Thursday 7 July. I just know that all the friends & relatives that had any remote chance of being anywhere near one of the bombs are all OK, and I’m eternally grateful for that.

An excellent description from Innocent Bystander can be read here. And I recommend you read it now.

Enough said.

Well it made me laugh

2005-06-29T12:23:00.000+01:00

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think
Dorothy Parker

As quoted on Trivia Test Match, Friday 24 June 2005.

I'm losing my marbles

2005-06-28T20:22:00.000+01:00

It's official. I took my imaginary dog for a walk tonight.

Have you seen my dog?

Today I am mostly listening to: Chuck Berry - You never can tell
(Yeh, I know, completely unrelated to my madness)

Band Aid

2005-06-15T17:49:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: The Stone Roses – Waterfall (heard it on 'Cutting It' last night – What a great track!)

In principle, I like the idea of the charity wristband. It’s a bit more exciting than a sticker, and slightly cooler than buying a raffle ticket. I like the fact you can buy something & proudly wear it to show your support for your chosen charity. In fact, I was more than happy to pay my way & make a donation to Mr Armstrong (the first charity wristband I was aware of). In return he sent me a little yellow piece of rubber. Not only did it look good, but also I felt I was joining the ranks of the rich & famous in their support for a worthwhile cause.

The problem I now have is twofold. Firstly, it appears that the colours you proudly wear actually have some hidden meaning. This morning over a steaming cup of Earl Grey, I came across this little piece of enlightenment (I’d just like to state for the record that I AM NOT A DAILY MAIL READER). Now, I don’t own that many wristbands & to be honest I have only ever worn one at a time, but if I was to wear all of them at the same time, what would they shout out about me? Knowing my luck, I’d be the straight lesbian in the corner with a penchant for Fox’s Glacier Mints!

Secondly and perhaps more importantly, if I continue to wear a charity wristband, I’d end up looking like an effing chav! Thanks to all those people flogging the fake charity wristband (examples include Lovestrong instead of Livestrong - Or is that a real one? I've lost track), they have now become part of the uniform of the Burberry wearing masses.

So having had a short while to reflect, I think I’m going to continue to wear my wristband (please note, only one at a time), as it will be quite clear to all that I’m not a chav, there’s no Burberry in site and I’m not eating Glacier Mints!

Chav band anyone?

Oh yeh, I didn’t get any Live 8 tickets... but I couldn’t have gone anyway, I’ve got that wedding to go to!

Hooray!

2005-06-14T20:32:00.000+01:00

It doesn't happen often, but here's a good reason to be cheerful!

Brett Lee. On his arse! :-)

Howzat?

Today I am mostly listening to: 10CC - Dreadlock holiday (I'm not really, but it's a good link! "I don't like cricket, I love it")

Bugger

2005-06-11T13:04:00.000+01:00

19 - 13.

It's back to the drawing board then.

Thank God for BO'D

Mind you, it could always have been worse...

Enough said.

Today I am mostly listening to: Nuyorican Soul - Run away

Annoyances, annoyances everywhere

2005-06-07T20:50:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Basement Jaxx - Mere Pass (why have I never heard this before?!)

This week I am lusting after Live 8 tickets (already entered the draw 5 times)

Don't know if it's the weather, the time of the month or the position of the moon, but some people are REALLY getting on my nerves!

There's someone in our office who, when speaking on the phone, always finishes their sentences with the word "super". A typical conversation goes like this:

What about the flight on the 27th?

(Enter relevant answer here)

OK. Super.

I know it's not annoying in itself and for all I know it could be code for a dirty conversation & a bit of telephone sex, but now I've noticed it, I notice it all the time. I have to stop myself from shouting out loud "IT’S NOT SUPER!"

Did you hear me? I said IT'S NOT SUPER!

Another example of an annoying person is the friend who's not a friend. We're still not on speaking terms & just to prove a point, I always make sure I start the day with a cheery "Morning!" & finish it with a cheery "Night!" I don't get any response now; I just like to make the point. Luckily I've recently moved desks so she's no longer in my direct line of site (although we are still in the same office). The not-so-lucky side of this is that I can still hear her dulcet tones & the annoying laugh that punctuates every sentence (and I mean EVERY sentence). As you may already be aware, this is one of my pet-hates. In fact, it's beyond annoying. There is just no need for it.

I wish I could record that shiver-inducing (shiver in a bad way, not a good way) laugh & post it here for all to endure, but if I did that I'd never get any readers again (if there are any here in the first place...). It's difficult to describe. It's not only the timing of the laugh, it's also the tone & pitch of each out burst. If it's at all possible, imagine nails being dragged down a blackboard but in the format of a laugh.

Anyway, enough said. Rant over.

A brighter day

2005-05-24T20:09:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Christina Aguilera – What a girl wants (*I wonder if this song is linked in any way to the improvement in my mood...*)

Well, my mood seems to have somewhat improved since my previous post. The writing down of those thoughts has obviously had some kind of cathartic effect, so if nothing else comes of it, I’m pleased for that reason alone. I certainly feel more positive, and at the end of the day, I’m in an OK position really. There are many people out there in a lot worse situation than I am.

As a pure coincidence, some one sent me this link: Post Secret. Apparently it’s been in the press recently, although I haven't seen it written about myself. I’ve read pretty much all of them now, and I’m desperately trying to think of which juicy secret to post (oh yes, there’s a lot more to lil' ol' innocent me than meets the eye!). Thank goodness it’s all anonymous!

Look's like some one has cheered up

Just to round things up nicely, this week I'm lusting after a new TFT monitor. Seriously, I'm debating (yes, I said debating) the benefits of buying one. The only thing is, what do I do with my trusty old monitor? Ebay it or bin it? There's nothing wrong with it. (Oh, perhaps I've just answered my own question there. If there's nothing wrong with it, why get rid of it? Hmmm...)

Crossroads

2005-05-22T14:20:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Nothing, nada, zilch, zip

I feel that I am at one of those points in life, and quite frankly, I haven’t got a clue about which way to go. I don’t want to sound needy & desperate, but I feel that my life changed on 11 August 2004. Unfortunately I can remember the day quite well. For an August evening it was actually a little bit overcast, and maybe even a little bit chilly. I was feeling pretty down anyway (I didn’t know why. Was it a sixth sense?!), and I’d just watched Sonia from Eastenders doing some program in Australia with lots of animals. He who must not be named was coming over & I can remember that I wasn’t even annoyed that he was late, and just thought that we wouldn’t go to the cinema after all. He walked in with his bag ("Oh, he’s going to stay the night" I thought), and by the look on his face I could tell something was wrong. Of course I asked if he was OK, and that’s the point that my life changed. No usual laugh, no cheeky smile, just a simple "I need to talk to you".

I felt like all the air had been knocked out of me. It was happening to me, but it was happening all around me & there was nothing I could do. I had no control. Like going down a water slide, trying to stop yourself from going any faster, but really there’s only one way to go, and that’s down. I now often think of that moment as a watercolour. All the colours were bright & vibrant & had a meaning; next all colour is being washed away. What was once a beautiful picture is now just a boring plain piece of paper with nothing on it. That’s how I feel. There’s no substance, there’s no colour.

I don’t know why I am feeling like this now in particular. Perhaps it was the realisation on Wednesday night (whilst sitting happily watching Desperate Housewives) that what I’m really waiting for is someone to come & take me away from it all. In reality I know it’s not going to happen, but there’s the fairytale inside my head that makes me think it just might happen.

I thought I’d got myself together, but really I’ve just been coasting along. Not pushing or stretching myself in any direction, just doing the same old things for fear of being let down or hurt again. Since it happened I’ve said to myself (and people have said it to me) "Life is out there, you’ve got to go out & get it". And I thought that was what I was doing, but in reality it’s just been words & it’s what people expect you to say, it’s what they want to hear. I don’t know why, but I feel now is the time to do something. My head tells me he’s not coming back, but my heart won’t let go. I’ve just got to accept it’s not going to happen. My head & heart can rant & rave as much as they like, but it just won’t happen.

The point is what do I do next? What is the next step? If you want life, how do you go out & get it? These are questions that I keep asking, but just haven’t found the answer for yet. Will it come in a flash of inspiration, or will the answers just evolve over time?

Answers on a post card or the back of a stuck-down envelope to the usual address.

Which way now?

Have Easyjet ticket, will travel

2005-05-14T17:29:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Ben Harper & The Blind Boys of Alabama - Wicked Man

Yep, I went & did it. I took the bull by the horns & booked my plane ticket to Holland! Not only am I excited about the prospect of going to Holland again, I’m also chuffed with myself for not letting singledom get in the way of going to a friends’ wedding! It may have taken a bit of persuading on the part of the friend getting married, but after reassurances that there MAY be some single men there, I finally decided I’ve got nothing to lose! Please understand that this is not the only reason for going, it’s just an added bonus. Obviously I’m going to witness the official union of two people who are happy & in love (or some bollox like that). No, seriously, it should be good and I am really looking forward to it! (I’m really trying to sound sincere here. Is it working?!)

Take the cheap route (BTW, I took that pic!)

Forgot to add, I finally got those damn Nike Rifts, and boy are they good! I can now understand all the hype, they're comfy! Here's another satisfied customer.

Should I stay or should I go?

2005-05-10T20:10:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Ben Harper & The Blind Boys of Alabama – Take my hand

I love getting post, it means some one wants to contact me & has actually taken the time to write to me. I hate the junk mail that drops daily through my letterbox though. So imagine my surprise when I returned home from work to find a big fat white envelope resting peacefully on the mat by the front door. Scrambling to pick it up & realising that it wasn’t put through my letterbox in error, the first thing that struck me was the unusual stamp, and after closer inspection it revealed itself to originate from The Netherlands. In a fit of excitement I tore open the envelope & a wedding invitation fell out! Could the IT Girl finally be settling down?!

Alas no, but another friend living in The Netherlands has decided to finally tie the knot. My immediate reaction was one of excitement & happiness, but after the initial excitement died down, I started to think about the enormity of going to a wedding on my own... To some it may not seem that much of a big deal, but when you’ve been used to doing things as part of a couple, things like weddings (actually, especially weddings!) can seem a bit daunting.

"I wonder what would Arthur do?"

After reasoning with myself for a while (OK, I’m still doing the reasoning bit now), I’ve decided that this is one event I don’t want to miss out on (unlike another friends New Years Eve birthday party that I refused point-blank to go to). Oh, for goodness sake (post-edited for politeness), I travelled to bloody Australia on my own to see Atomic Rosie, surely I can make my way to Schiphol bloody Airport! And anyway, I can always catch up with the IT Girl (whatever happened with the MTV thingy?) and you never know, I might meet a nice tall Dutch Aragorn (with glasses if I get a choice!).

Tomorrow’s task: check Easyjet flights.

Boredom is the lowest form of something (I just haven't decided what)

2005-05-02T16:15:00.000+01:00

(Today I am mostly listening to: That new thang by Jamiroquai)

It’s bank holiday Monday & I’m bored. Done a bit of tidying up of the blog (see how it sparkles!), and as there’s nothing particularly interesting on TV, I’ve nicked this idea from someone else’s blog...

100 (random) things about me

1. My birthday is in October

2. I’ve lost the will to celebrate birthdays, they never turn out how I plan them & I always feel let down

3. I’d quite like a pet dog

4. I’d call it something like Warner, Hector, or Bartholomew, but nothing is definite & I’m always open to ideas

5. My sister is my best friend (she’s the only one I can rely on)

6. She knows more people in our hometown than I do & I’m the one who lives here

7. I’m envious of her life; she’s doing the job she always wanted to do & knows what she wants from life

8. I’m not jealous of her though; I just aspire to be a bit more like her

9. I’d quite like to get my tongue pierced, but don’t think I could cope with the pain

10. I used to have my nose pierced

11. I only did it because the bloke I fancied was having his eyebrow done

12. I don’t want a tattoo

13. I love curry

14. I miss the ones cooked by He who must not be named (they were the best)

15. Some times I can be lazy

16. I wish I wasn’t

17. I hate it when people punctuate sentences with laughter

18. I’ve never seen Reservoir Dogs or Trainspotting

19. I always forget the overdose scene in Pulp Fiction

20. I wish I played a musical instrument

21. But don’t want to go through the learning curve of lessons

22. I’d also like to be able to sing (properly)

23. I don’t know what my dream job is

24. I’d like to try lots until I find the right one for me

25. I’d love to do a tour of the world by following sports events

26. I’d start with the British & Irish Lions in New Zealand

27. And maybe come back to the UK for the Ashes & Wimbledon

28. But then I’d carry on round the world again

29. I’ve never won anything on the Lotto

30. Although I buy a ticket most weeks (and it’s probably my only chance of doing my world tour)

31. I wish I spoke a foreign language fluently

32. I wish I had more motivation

33. And more willpower

34. I wish my hair was straighter and longer

35. Or I could use straighteners properly

36. I can sometimes be too stubborn for my own good

37. I’d like to be a published author, but I’m still waiting for that killer idea

38. Some questions in life can only be answered by an ice-cold lager (although it’s not my favourite drink)

39. REM – Out of Time was the first CD I ever bought

40. I’d rather eat 2 Big Mac’s than 1 Big Mac & fries (although I’ve never done it & don’t plan to do it)

41. I failed my history A’ level

42. One day I would like to take it again and pass

43. When people ask which team I support, I always reply with "Saracens" (it confuses them; they mean football, I mean rugby)

44. I miss watching them on a Sunday (even in the rain & wind of Watford)

45. I like a man in glasses

46. I feel drawn to Aragorn, even though he doesn’t wear glasses

47. And Orlando Bloom has a certain quality at certain times

48. Pepperoni is my favourite pizza topping (I used to pick it all off & eat it after I’d finished with the pizza base)

49. I prefer tea to coffee

Anyone fancy a cuppa?

50. I don’t eat fish because I don’t like it (although I once ate a fish-finger sandwich & thought it was OK).

51. I can’t walk in heels, although I would love to be able to

52. I blame it on the fact I broke my ankle on a drunken night out

53. I don’t do maths; I’d like to personally thank the person who invented electronic calculators

54. I’m more “one of the guys” than a “girly girl”

55. I wish I was more girly at times though!

56. I’m afraid to die & haven’t come to terms with death (I cry when people die in Neighbours or Eastenders)

57. I’m much happier, nicer & funnier than this list is making me sound!

58. I should be doing something else instead of writing this.

59. I’m running out of things to say, so think I’ll stop at 60 (it’s a nice round number)

60. I didn’t think I’d get this far!

Only 40 more to go! (And I did that without a calculator). I suppose I can always complete it another time when I’ve got nothing better to do.

Cambridge - What a wonderful place to visit!

2005-04-28T19:51:00.000+01:00

Today I am mostly listening to: Gwen Stefani - Rich Girl (Anthem on the Amsterdam trip - ask the IT girl)

Two posts in two days! Can’t believe this, something must be wrong! No, seriously, I would have posted this yesterday, but I forgot when I got completely carried away with all the announcements of the new blog additions.

Basically on Monday, I had a better than usual day at work, and actually got to do something a bit more interesting than being chained to my desk. To cut a long & boring story short, we had a visitor from our parent company (who happened to be German), who wanted to see the wonderful sights of Cambridge. Me being the helpful sort, volunteered to show them around our little corner of England. After a spot of lunch over-looking the murky river Cam, we took a guided punt tour along the backs. Having lived in this part of the world for most of my life (a few wasted years were spent elsewhere, but that’s a different story for a different time), Cambridge is a place that, rightly or wrongly, I take for granted, and I don’t see the city as a tourist might. But this guided tour along the Cam gave me the chance to see it in a different light (and it had absolutely nothing to do with the rather dashing student who guided us...). So, yes, I had a good afternoon seeing a few of the sights of Cambridge as a tourist would.

Anyway, enough of the tourist information service. Enjoy some of the results below (taken with my phone because I didn’t think to take a camera – don't forget, too many photo’s are never enough!), and if they entice you to travel down to the fen, I’m sure you will enjoy it as much as I did!

Remember, you can take the girl out of the fen, but you can't take the fen out of the girl...

All together now, sigh (The Bridge of Sighs - Get it?!)
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What a conundrum! (The Mathematical Bridge - Get it?!)
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*Sigh* What's the matter? (It's The Bridge of Sighs - Again)
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Kings College (errm, running out of witty comments now...)
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Oh yeh, I'm still lusting after those damn Nike Rifts...

Long time no blog!

2005-04-27T20:40:00.000+01:00

Hello one and all! Yes, it’s been a short while since my last blog, possibly because I haven’t really had much to report & my score on Stick Cricket hasn’t improved greatly! Life has been neither overly exciting nor coma-inducing boring. It’s been pretty much fair-to-middling as some might say! (And I don’t think anyone I don’t want to see this blog has been reading it... If that makes sense to anyone)

The time is ripe for a new beginning
No, I’m not becoming a born-again tree-hugging hippy (although that is a career I haven’t yet considered...), I’ve decided to try out a couple of new things with this blog – After all, the world of blog is ever growing & expanding, and if all else fails, at least it will give me something to write about!

New addition – Part 1
The first new addition I’ve seen done a few times under various different disguises. I like the idea of it, so I’ve pinched it and have decided to incorporate it here. In a bid to give it a name I haven’t seen else where, I hereby name the new feature "Today I am mostly listening to..." (*The fanfare & applause fade away*). My aim is to try and include it some where within each worthy entry, it won't necessarily be something I'm listening to all the time, it might just be the last song I heard as I got out of my car before going to work, but it will probably be something that has stuck in my mind for some reason.

New addition – Part 2
I’ve decided to add another new section that won’t necessarily appear on an entry-by-entry basis (it might not even appear on a weekly or monthly basis), but it will certainly be here from time to time. I hereby name the second new feature "Object of my desire" (seriously, not joking about this one, no sireee).

And I am happy to report the Object of last week’s desire as:

Mmmm, Asics
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Yes, I now own them and I am happy to report that last weeks desire is fully satisfied!

Hope you don’t think I’m overdoing it, but here is the object of this week’s desire:

Mmmm, Nike rifts
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I don't own them... yet. The thing is, I just can't decide on what colour. Any suggestions? (And no, I don't have a shoe fetish. Well, I don't think I do...)

Oops, almost forgot!
Today I am mostly listening to: Hazel O'Connor - Will you

Stick Cricket – Tomorrow’s game today!

2005-04-13T21:34:00.000+01:00

Just gotta post this up for everyone to see, I can’t recommend it highly enough! Stick Cricket is the highly addictive phenomenon that is setting the world alight! (Well, it is in our office).

I may be no expert, but my highest score to date is Vaughan with 61, and there has to be no finer sight than seeing Brett Lee bowled out by Mr Beefy himself (Altogether now, Brett Lee is a chucker, nuh naah naah nah). And OK, you don’t get the chance to bowl, but I deliberately play bad when playing in green & gold! Check it out now!

It's wicket to wicket cricket (@ Stick Cricket)
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Another link in case you missed the first one – Stick Cricket

And here’s another one – More Stick Cricket

Need any more? Oh, go on then... Stick Cricket

To blog or not to blog? That is the question.

2005-04-11T20:35:00.000+01:00

Blogs are funny old things. A good number of us write down our innermost thoughts, and think nothing of sharing them with the secret world that is blog. Yet when it comes to sharing any of these thoughts & ramblings with a member of your family, if you’re anything like me, you’d probably run a mile & deny all knowledge of knowing what a blog is. "No it’s not mine, it’s just one I like to read from time to time", I mumbled in my defence (despite the fact there’s a picture taken from my bedroom window...).

This weekend, I think a member of my family discovered my blog. "It’s not that bad" you’re probably thinking, but when I think back to my drunken night of debauchery (OK, there was no debauchery, but we were very drunk, and we all fancied a bit, given half a chance), and I remember my desperate-woman rant and... Oh, I don’t even want to think about it, let alone write about it!

For some reason it makes me feel guilty, almost like I’m trying to hide the fact I blog (Yeh, been trying to kick the habit for a while now. Currently doing 5 posts a week, just gotta cut back some how). So in a bid for freedom, Atomic Rosie, if you’re reading this, I trust that you will understand that it is just a harmless bit of fun and quite possibly the demented ramblings of some one who should know better! Oh, and I hope you forget the web address just in case I want to write about how evil you are! (Love ya really sis!)

Damn, it's back to Disguises-R-Us for me...
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The night of long drinks

2005-04-03T17:17:00.000+01:00

Well, Friday night came & went as it does every week of the year (yes, even in a leap year). Fun & frivolity was had by all, the curry was great, and we managed a round of turbo shandy’s, despite lots of "but I don’t drink pints". The award for Star of the Night had to go to The Lovely Miss Loud & Lively, not only for the game of "Where’s Wally?" but also for her conversation at the bar. When ordering a round of drinks in the club (please note that I struggle to call it a club, but it’s more than a bar, but it has got a dance floor...So what is it?!):

To set the scene, this took place after the first round of turbo shandy’s:

The Lovely Miss Loud & Lively: "Do you sell snake bite & black?"
Friendly bar keep: "No, I’m afraid we don’t sell cider"
TLML&L: "Oh, OK. Do you have anything similar?"
FBK: "No, I’m afraid we don’t sell cider"

OK, maybe it was one of those where you had to be there to appreciate it, but when I asked The Lovely Miss Loud & Lively what she was expecting when she asked for something similar, she replied with "Well, maybe just snake bite but with no black". Surprisingly, that answer made sense to me...

No surprises for guessing that I didn’t find myself an fcuk buddy. Perhaps horoscopes are a load of rubbish after all. Or maybe it’s just the one I subscribe to. Oh well, it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway. He would have wanted to tell me all about how he scored the winning try (yes, in my imaginary world he would have played rugby), when all I wanted to do was get down & dirty in our own private scrum (or should that be ruck?!).

The younger men of the world can rest peacefully for the moment!

Does my bum look big in this?
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TFI Friday...

2005-03-31T20:34:00.000+01:00

(OK, at time of writing, it's Thursday, but at least there's no mention of Chris Evans. Apart from that one, Doh!).

Yes, I’m looking forward to Friday this week. I’ve got a night out with the girls from work (minus the friend who isn’t a friend). The plan is to go for a curry, find a bar then, depending on the bloatedness, we may hit a club. To all you mere mortals out there, it may not seem like a big deal, but since the dramatic break-up from he who must not be named, my social life has dwindled somewhat. So yes, I’m looking forward to a night out. Having had quite a few nights like these with the girls, I know what a drunken extravaganza they can turn into (no photographic ever evidence exists), so this time I’m hoping to build on the girls-night-out reputation and introduce them all to a cheeky little number that is commonly known as a turbo shandy. I’m not exactly a veteran of these myself (they weren’t invented when I was student, we had to rely on Blastaway’s), but I’m pretty sure they’ll go down well.

Oh alright then, just the one...
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To add to the excitement, I had a great bit of news arrive in my inbox this afternoon. Well, OK, I admit it’s not "hold the front page" type of news, but it bodes well for Friday night. I wouldn’t describe myself as desperate or neurotic, but occasionally I like to read my stars and if there’s a good bit of news hiding round the corner, then I’d like some advance notice. For all you Librans, I quote as follows: "The sky's the limit when it comes to love and romance today. You deserve a break, so when someone offers you a dream come true, just go for it. Take the initiative and go where others fear to tread". Wow...

As much as I hate the phrase, I quite like the idea of an fcuk buddy (See Sex & The City). After the trauma of he who must not be named, I’m not looking to jump straight into another long-term relationship, but a woman has her needs & this could be an answer for the moment. You know how it goes, find an eager younger man, train him up & you’re doing a service for all women!

Hmm, I think I’ve been reading too much innocence... Except he has more luck! (*Walks away coyly, giggling to self*)

Nothing ventured, nothing gained

2005-03-25T19:14:00.000Z

Seen this on a few blogs & thought I’d give it a go (it’s got nothing to do with the fact I’ve got nothing else to report…honestly):

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't dig out that "cool" or "intellectual" book, just go with the flow & pick the book closest to you right now!

After I finished "Farewell, Black River" and "The Drunken Concubine", His Majesty wanted more. I begged his pardon and explained that I was not prepared. "One last song".

Now wasn’t that enlightening?! A mystery prize will be awarded for the first person to correctly guess which book it comes from (and yes, it’s from a book I’m reading at the moment).

Me on a good day
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