What's it all about, Bloggie?

On my new Creative Zen Sleek, I am mostly listening to: Travis - Happy (I just love the random all play option!)

Firstly, happy New Year and all that other stuff. Finally the excesses of the festive season are over and it’s back to some kind of normality. Well, for all you normal people out there it is.

I’ve been extremely slack with the old blogging recently and after having a quick browse through my beloved ramblings, I realise that I still have a post on the front page from August 2005 (although it might not be there after I’ve posted this!). And as I know every one is desperate to read my Wilma experiences, I do have a bit more of the story to post, although the full memoir still isn’t quite complete. I have to say that it is proving much harder than expected to get it all written down. But anyway. Onto the real reason for the post.

I originally started this post back in November, but never got round to fully completing or posting it. As some form of explanation, my Wilma experience appears to have given me a new lust for life (and that’s probably why I haven’t posted for a while). I’m not sure when, or even why, but it dawned on me that I appeared to have stopped living. And I subconsciously appear to have made the decision that I want to start again. And that’s what I’ve been doing!

I can honestly say that since the new year I have been drunk (or at least tipsy) every night. Whether that’s with friends down the pub or a (supposedly) quiet night in, I have had alcohol of some form every night. I’m not bragging or anything, it’s just a statement of fact. I now actually want to go out, as opposed to just saying the words but not really meaning them.

I also appear to have changed in others ways. Whereas before I used to be quite contented to take a back seat & listen to other people’s opinions, I now want my voice to be heard & to be heard loudly. Yeh, I’ve been told I’ve changed & I’m being weird, but this is from people who’ve only ever known the quiet reserved tEC tONiK. The real me is now out there with a vengeance!

So this brings me on to another revelation, and the fact that my windy experiences have led me to question a few things, and instead of letting the thoughts run wild through my mind, I think I just about feel brave enough to write them down for the world to see.

1. My obsession is a girl.
Yep, that’s right, I’ve gone and admitted it now. I fancy a chick. Now trust me, it came as a bit of a surprise to me as well. For some one who’d only ever been with guys to suddenly have these feelings for some one of the same sex was a bit of a strange thing to try and get my head around. But it doesn’t stop there, these feelings lead me onto another question...

2. Does fancying one girl make you gay?
This thought has run through my mind quite often. Since I first started this post, my obsession with the above mentioned has dimmed somewhat. I mean, I still like them & all that, just not to the point of obsession! Right now however, I can categorically say that I don’t feel attracted to any guys (and haven’t done for a while). Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate if a guy is good-looking or not, but I’m more likely to be interested in the chick standing next to him. So, although I now look at chicks with different eyes, I’m still not sure if I am truly gay. (Yeh, I do know the argument that says if you are gay, you’ll definitely know, but being a librarian, sorry Libran, I like to weigh things up completely before making a decision...). So bear with me, it’s time for another question...

3. Can you "think" yourself gay?
Not completely sure how to explain this one. But here’s a starter for ten; can you think about being gay so much that you eventually believe you are gay? Can you obsess about it so much that you manage to convince yourself you are gay? Can you concentrate on chicks so much, that you just don’t notice guys any more, and by default you’re only attracted to chicks? My answer is I don’t know. OK, time for another revelation – I think about girls and stuff all the time. Which makes me genuinely think I am gay. Maybe.


Did some one call for a cleaner?

Not to dwell too long on the above random thoughts, I’ve met two chicks in an effort to confirm my gayness! I could tell you what I think my ideal chick would be, but I’m not going to. Let’s just say I’m not a big fan of hairy armpits & short hair. It’s not really a case of choosing one or the other, and I’m not going to go into too much detail, but both have their benefits (even if they are slightly different). Here is a very brief outline:

My first choice (BTW, this is not in preferential order), who for arguments sake we’ll call Screaming N, is the biggest flirt I have ever met (male or female). There just seems to be some kind of red-hot sexual connection between us. However, I get the distinct impression that she’s quite possibly as thick as two, no, three very short planks. I don’t want to sound cruel, but that’s the impression I get, and to be fair I’ve always gone for people who have a small bit substance between their ears. Despite that, you just can’t deny the sexual tension between us, and as the majority of people know, it’s fairly important when fancying some one.

The second contender, who we’ll call Truly Lovely G, is slightly different to Screaming N. We clearly have a mental connection, appear to be on the same wavelength, and well, I do actually quite fancy her. She clearly has a bit more substance to her, so I’m just wondering how bright the sexual spark will be.

So that’s the current state of the nation and it looks like even in the pink world, finding love (or something close to it) is not an easy task!

After all that, I appear to have got a headache from concentrating so hard. Must be about time for an ice cold beer!

Today I am lusting after things I could not possibly mention on here!