What's it all about, Bloggie?

Dear TLG,

I’m freaked out, pissed off, and slightly scared. All I want to do is run away & hide in a darkened room for a very long time. I don’t know whether I can talk to you about this, because when I mentioned it at the time, you laughed & didn’t seem at all embarrassed. I know you were completely wankered, but I have issues with the following:

1. You had sex with your so-called best friend (when will you realise the Poisoned Scot treats you like shit & is certainly not your best friend?). I know you’d already told me about it, and I don’t particularly have a problem with it (after all, you’re not the only one to have shagged a friend) but it’s not very nice for me to hear that the sex was excellent, and if you ever had sex with her again, you know that sex would also be excellent. I’m your girlfriend, and although it’s better not to hide things from me, that was perhaps a bit too much information. I have to wonder if you’re thinking about having sex with her again.

2. You don’t need to tell all of your friends that I’m obsessed with sex and you feel that I’m pressuring you. It really didn’t help the situation when you threatened to drag some one off the street if I didn’t hurry up and shag you. Who's pressuring who?

3. Please don’t freak me out by asking who’s fingers they are. They were mine and there was only ever us in the bedroom. There were never any photographers, there was no magazine, and I certainly didn’t shag any one else, while saying you weren't allowed to shag any one.

4. Please, please don’t ask me about the size of He Who Must Not Be Named’s trouser snake. Normally you can’t stand to hear him mentioned. And you’d better not be annoyed, because you brought the subject up & I really really didn’t want to talk about him. He’s in my past and that’s all there is to it.

5. I know you’ve got ex-girlfriends, and I don’t have a problem with that, but there are some things that you really shouldn’t tell me. You should have just given me the edited highlights of your conversation with the Poisoned Scot. I’m sure your ex-girlfriends are wonderful in their own way, but you don’t need to go on about how they were "absolutely stunning", and then in the next breath say "but you’ve got beautiful eyes". That really was a barbed compliment followed by an almighty smack in the gob.

I know you’ll never read this (or at least I hope you won’t), but I have to get it all off my chest. Hopefully I’ll feel better for it.

Yours sincerely,
tEC tONiK

P.S. Thanks for saying I could shag Pink should the occasion ever arise; although I do have to point out that it was you who started & ended that conversation. I never actually had any input into it what so ever.

P.P.S. Thanks for voting me Licker Of The Month – God knows where that comment came from, but I guess it was a compliment of some kind.

Today I am mostly listening to: Fedde Le Grand – Put Your Hands Up For Detroit

Horoscopes can be funny old things. I don’t religiously live by mine, but I do read it on a daily basis. Call me superstitious if you want, but I’ll openly admit that I take a passing interest in my stars on the off chance that there’s some impending gloom or hidden happiness just round the corner. Anyway, my free daily horoscope was delivered to my inbox yesterday morning & this is what it merrily announced:

If you're not already so inclined, tEC, why not try your hand at expressing yourself through singing? Even if you're convinced you couldn't sing your way out of a paper bag, you might be surprised at what happens if you just let yourself go. Feel silly singing out loud? Then BE silly. Ham it up and have some fun with it. Even if you're tone deaf, you'll have a great time and that sort of feeling is infectious.

Hey? I’m sorry but I did have to laugh. I’m absolutely convinced the astrologer was on drugs when they wrote this. Either that or perhaps it was some kind of dare to see how many daft Librans they could get singing & looking like complete & utter twats.

Suffice to say, I did not spend the day singing, although I will own up to singing a few bars of Girls Aloud – Something Kinda Ooooh under my breath this afternoon. I don’t think any one noticed though.



And today’s spam round-up includes: Ned Berg & sunflower matted, Stephana Erickson & hot chocolate grit, Kenneth Knox & non-dairy nit and finally, Honey mail & Rabbit thrusters vibrator price breakthrough at LoveHoney (*blushes* oops, that shouldn’t be in the spam folder...)

Today I am mostly listening to: Hot Chip – Over and Over

Well, what can I say? I’ve been pretty busy of late, hence the complete lack of blogs. Not that I haven’t got anything to blog about of course.

Firstly P!nk came & went (that’s the proper way to write it apparently), I celebrated a birthday & I’ve finally booked a holiday.

Pink was absolutely excellent, I knew most of the words & I would definitely recommend that everyone (well, maybe not everyone) go & see her (especially at the bargain price of £26.50). I’ve never been to the NIA & I have to say that it’s remarkably similar to the NEC (where I just happened to see Take That – excellent show, did I ever get round to blogging about that?).



I did have my doubts about what she would actually sound like in a space that big, but honestly, trust me, her voice was excellent, I could have creamed me jeans. However, not only did I attend an excellent concert (have I used that adjective enough yet?!), but I also learnt something new. Pink is a gay icon!



Call me thick if you must. I knew I liked her and I knew the Mrs liked her, but I honestly didn’t realise that the under-35 lesbian population of Great Britain were also avid fans. I was shocked. And to make matters worse, I happened to be dressed in the Summer 2006 lesbian uniform (not that I have a problem being a new member of the lesbian club; I just happen to like the little bit of mystery that surrounds my appearance – the "is she/isn’t she" factor). But anyway, I don’t think I’ll be wearing my uniform again any time soon.



And while I’m on the subject of lesbians, they can be pretty odd can’t they? Whilst making our way back to Broad Street for a tasty burrito, a couple of scary-Mary lesbians in front of us started to have an argument (apparently lesbian A had snogged her ex in front of lesbian B – so an argument would be completely understandable). Well, we managed to benefit from this little fracas, as lesbian B threw her £10 Pink program on the floor and stormed off with lesbian A in hot pursuit. No one else was around, so what were we to do but pick up the rather expensive program? *shrug*. The Mrs also told me a story about when she went to see Texas at G-A-Y, and a couple of lesbians in front of her had a major argument. Apparently Sharleen looked at one lesbian but the other was convinced Sharleen had looked at her. I don’t know, lesbians can be right funny.

Anyway, Pink was excellent. So there you go.

Moving on swiftly, I’ve also celebrated my birthday (but I’m not saying which one). The kind & generous birthday fairy decided to pay me a visit (and with some help from the Mrs) I was the recipient of a brand new bike! And I just have to say that I love my bike and I love Halfords for reducing it by £80 (I would never have let the Mrs buy it otherwise). It’s great! It’s sleek, it’s sexy and most importantly it’s all mine, my precious.



I never thought I’d have a girls bike, but this is actually a girls bike (check out the symbol). I reckon girls bikes normally look a bit daft, but in my opinion this looks like a proper riders bike. So I’m well chuffed & after buying some mud guards and a bike computer (thanks Atomic Rosie), I’ve been out and about on it quite often (mind you, I think the Mrs would skin me alive if I didn’t use it!).



And in the final story for tonight, I’ve booked a holiday! I’m happy to report that I’m off to Thailand with the Mrs & two of her friends for two weeks. OK, it’s not until February 2007, but I’m sooo looking forward to it. Two weeks of sun, fun and maybe a little bit of sex (OK, I’m hoping for a lot of sex ;-) ). Oh and we might fit in a bit of sightseeing as well. Honestly, I’ve pretty much needed another holiday since my run-in with Wilma (I’m sure I never finished that story... I really must get round to it) but it just hasn’t happened this year. So I’m definitely going to make up for it when February finally gets here!

Over in spam corner, Fred Becker is telling me about Rocking horse fell, Annie Moran is advising about canny tightfisted (sounds painful), David Denton wants me to know about astonishment tizzy & Judith Gregg announces unforgettable stick-in-the-mud.