Sunday, April 29, 2007 

Oh so tired

Busy, busy weekend, but oh so much fun. Feeling the effects now though. Can't talk properly, let alone write anything cohesive.

Wagamama's... Birmingham Gay village... Lots of bottles of Corona... Even more blue gin & tonic... Dodgy dancing (I was obviously drunk)... Lots of fit ladies (don't tell the Mrs)... Topped off nicely by cheese burger & chips at 4 am...

Tired. Need sleep. Bed calling. ZZZZZ...

Sunday, April 22, 2007 

Don't do it

*Today I am mostly listening to: Mika – Love Today*

No, really. Don't. Just don't even bother watching Nacho Libre. It was shocking. Absolutely awful. I watched it on DVD last night & really wish I hadn't bothered. How will I ever regain the hour and a half I wasted on it?

You know, Jack Black can be quite funny on occasion & I actually thought this might be one of those occasions, but I was completely wrong. It was so not funny. I think I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than go through the pain of ever having to watch a single second of that pile of poo again.

And you're probably wondering why I'm bothering to blog about it if it was that bad. Well, call this a public service announcement. I think every one should know that it was truly awful & you really shouldn't bother wasting any money or time on it. So there you go. Listen to me. I know stuff.

In other film news, I seem to have gone a bit “lesbian-film” mad. I decided I need to increase my lesbian awareness (I only just found out Martina Navratilova was gay... joke), so what better way than watching a few films lesbian-orientated films? To date, the list consists of:

- Aimee & Jaguar (Set during the Second World War. Apparently two young women form a “deep & intense relationship” - Oh, I wonder what that could possibly mean?)
- Gia (Apparently all lesbians have to watch this film. It's part of your sorority pledge so I'm told. And it's got Angelina in it which always helps)
- But I'm A Cheerleader (A comedy of sexual discovery. And it includes an actress called Mink Stole... Don't know who she is, but she sounds remotely like a porn star)
- So Close (Not sure if it's really classed as a lesbian film, but apparently it's got lots of women fighting & there's nothing I like more than a bit of well-choreographed martial arts)
- If These Walls Could Talk (See Gia, but no Angelina)
- If These Walls Could Talk 2 (See Gia, still no Angelina)

The only thing I've struggled with is lesbian porn. Apparently there's no really good, really convincing films made by lesbians for lesbians. So if you want to prove me wrong, send in your suggestions & I'm sure I'll find some time to watch them *wink, wink*. I'm always open to suggestions you know.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 

Freaky findings

Whilst looking on eBay today, I happened to come across the profile of He Who Must Not Be Named. Not that I was checking up on him or anything, I was just curious to see if he was still alive (he is). He hasn't bought anything interesting lately, but I got the shock of my life when I saw what he was selling.

The first item was an antique ivory wedding dress (described as a large size 12/small size 14). Well, would you ever? What on earth is he doing selling a wedding dress? There was a picture of some blonde generic-looking bird (clearly on her wedding day) standing on some steps looking over her shoulder at the camera. Now, it could have been his elder brothers girlfriend (now wife?), or it could have been someone completely different (his new wife?). Any thoughts of a cross-dressing ex-boyfriend were completely unfounded. He was always much bigger than a small size 14.

The next item he was selling were what he described as biker boots, mens size 7. It's not how I'd describe them, but there you go. They were the sort of thing I could imagine some one wearing to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. You know the sort of thing, really thick soles, and shiny metal shin pad things with matching buckles. Not that I've got anything against them, they're just not my kind of thing. But more importantly, what was he doing with them in the first place?!

He was obviously very attached to both items; the wedding dress had a Buy Now price of £399, and the interesting-looking boots a Buy Now price of £99. The thing is, even though I never had any intention of checking his profile again, I'm going to have to just to see if he sells the bloody things.

His dodgy looking mens size 7 boots (not the actual item, for illustration purposes only)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007 

The trouble with women

Today I am mostly listening to: Pink – Just Like A Pill

Bloody women! I know I'm one, but can't they just drive you insane?! And one woman in particular is driving me right up the wall at the moment. Yes, you guessed correctly, it's the Mrs.

I'm not one for arguing, but if I must, then I'll certainly give as good as I get. The problem is with the Mrs, she always puts the guilt trip on me. Now, I know we all do it, it's part of our womanly ways. We probably do it without thinking, and with a bloke it normally has the desired effect of them coming round to our way of thinking. But it's not only the guilt trip thing she does to me, she also throws in the “I'm the wronged-party” (a particular favourite of mine – when used against some one else, obviously). I get stroppy & become the monosyllabic 13 year old everyone hates, and we just don't get anywhere.

We never seem to be able to resolve the underlying issues. Although I will argue, I'm normally the one to back down. I simply just don't like arguing. And living so far away from each other, we never get the nice making up bit. By the time we see each other again, the argument is long forgotten, or I just don't want to bring it all up again.

It's a pain in the arse, and I just wish she wouldn't throw all the female tricks of the trade at me. I don't like it! I want to use them on her!

Sunday, April 15, 2007 

Newts to you too

Today I am mostly listening to: Calvin Harris – Acceptable In the 80's

I'm so glad the Mrs bought me my bike. I've used it so much lately. If she was getting a return on how much I've used it, she would have surely got her money back by now.

Today, after an hour in the gym & a quick rest, I decided to go on another one of my quick bike rides before going round to the parentals for a BBQ. You see, the other week I found this new area in my home town that I never knew existed. There were all these lakes public footpaths & tracks that I never knew were there. It was great! Obviously other people knew they were there because they'd kindly made tracks for me to follow, but it was all new to me. So after following one route last week, I decided to follow another route this week.

My first discovery was that we have Great Crested Newts less than 1 mile from my very own doorstep. Am I bovvered? you're no doubt thinking. Well, they're a protected species don't you know (or so a little sign told me). They even had their own little fences to protect them. So that shows they must be important. Not that I saw any, they're clearly too important to show themselves to mere mortals.

Secondly, I think I found the old railway. It was quite strange really, I kind of felt like I was in that film Stand By Me. It was all kind of deserted & there was this old railway bridge spanning the river that runs through our town. I stopped to roll up my trousers, but that was it. I didn't like to linger for too long in case I was being spied on by some web-footed fen-dweller who thought I was trespassing on their wetlands. Either that or the newts were about to pounce on me, so I quickly cycled over the bridge.



Next thing I know, I've come across all these parked cars & middle aged men with binoculars. I either found the local dogging hangout, or they were a bunch of birdwatchers. I'm going with the birdwatchers theory, but I could always be wrong because I couldn't actually see any birds (well, not of the feathered variety), and they just seemed to be looking into open spaces.

So yeah, after cycling round the local nature reserve, my keen sense of direction lead me to a quaint little pub in one of Cambridgeshire's picturesque villages. The only problem was I was on the wrong side of the river & there was no obvious way to cross it, well apart from swimming & there was no way I was going to do that however much I wanted an alcoholic drink. So, a quick U-turn & I was back off round the reserve to see if it was possible for me to cycle to work. I think it might be possible, but the tracks were a little too bumpy for my liking (and my bum's).

By the time I'd made it round to the parentals, my little bike computer announced I'd done over 9 miles and I was pretty chuffed with myself actually. And the BBQ was just what I needed after all that cycling.